April showers bring May....adoptions!

Happy Spring!  At least I think it is Spring.  The weather has been so iffy, I dare not think it will be warm day to day.  Eventually it will happen...right?

As we close out the month of April, I cannot believe all that has happened.  It was a month full of emotional showers for sure.  On April 4th, JP, our most beloved Bichon died.  It is hard to believe it was almost 4 weeks ago.  It feels like just yesterday and/or a year ago...depending on the day.  His kidney disease really accelerated and eventually affected him neurologically.  After 2 significant neurological events in three days, the vet made it clear that we had to make a decision for JP's care.  Gabe and I cried so hard but knew that we would never want JP to be uncomfortable or disoriented, as he had become.  So on April 4, early in the morning, he was euthanized.  It has been a very difficult adjustment for us all to make, but we are getting through it.

The aftermath of JP's passing was difficult for everyone...for similar and different reasons.  Isaiah really struggled with the fact that we adults were struggling.  He was uncomfortable with our being so emotional...and it not being related to him.  So he created ways for it to be related to him, making April a very challenging month, overall.  We are finally all coming back around and feeling somewhat like ourselves, which is good...because we have an adoption to get ready for!

The date is set: May 31, 2011 @ 11:30am in Norwich CT.  That is the day Isaiah will become Isaiah Carr!  He has an outfit all ready and he has been practicing his new name.  He has decided who he wants to invite to the ceremony and is getting pretty excited...as are we!  We had our final in-home visit with DCF yesterday and that was a good feeling.  Gradually we are starting to realize we won't have anyone to micromanage our lives...and make "helpful" suggestions about how we handle things.  We will be free to screw it all up on our own!!!  YEHAW!  I feel as a parent I should be granted the right to screw up without it being documented, thank you very much!

Isaiah is finishing up his preschool year and growing leaps and bounds, academically and socially.  The preschool program he was involved in this year was tremendous in so many ways and he is a school lover right now because of it.  He is so invested in moving on to Kindergarten...so much so that he has been practicing flash cards to help in a couple of areas he is lagging...lower case letters and double digit numbers.  He WANTS to be ready!!!

So, we are looking forward....to May.  To recovering from the loss of our pet, to warmer days and to an official welcome of our son.  Finally, it feels normal to say that.  I've always hesitated because, in fact, he was not my son.  Soon, he will be.
Until then...


ps...i won't be removing JP's signature from the blog.  not quite there yet!

Songs that hit home....

Gabe and I went to a parenting workshop 2 weeks ago and the presenter shared two songs and their lyrics that represent what children like Isaiah, traumatized, neglected and removed from their birth parents feel and struggle with.  Needless to say, when she played them and showed the lyrics, I couldn't stop crying.  It's so easy to get caught up in day to day things and not remember all that this little boy has been through.  So I thought I'd share them because it was a helpful and emotional experience for us.

I am a Rock

Remember the Tinman
(this is by Tracy Chapman, who grew up in Foster Care)

Big changes!

Hello Basketball fans~
I hope you are all enjoying March Madness.  I only wonder what kind of name Jimmer is?!?!?!  It's all over the tournament and I find it interesting.  Gabe is rooting for BYU in the final four so he is always talking about Jimmer.  Jimmer this...Jimmer that...Go Jimmer.  Ok then.

Onto non basketball topics...and there are many!  I honestly don't even know where to begin.  Two weeks ago, we made a decision to remove Isaiah from his Day Care.  There was an incident and we were less than pleased with the Day Care owner's response.  We pulled him for a week to figure things out, changed our work schedules to be home for The Dude and somehow made it work.  At the end of the week we realized something.  Everyone was happier.  We were more tired due to the change but as a family, we were more at peace.  We got to thinking...could we do this for a while...like til the end of the school year and see how it goes?  And that's what we've decided to do.  Isaiah is so thrilled to be home with us each day.  We have a very part time sitter for a couple of hours Tuesday and Thursday whom he also loves...and she comes to our house. 
We've learned that it gives us many more opportunities to work through any issues with Isaiah's behaviors.  It provides so much more consistency and we are just less stressed, which was the most surprising.  This week has been a little harder for The Dude because he gets scared as he bonds more with us but being home we are able to work through those things with no interruption or outside influences!  Sweet.  It's been a very positive change!

We PLAN to meet @ DCF on Wednesday, this Wednesday to sign paperwork that will move us to the final stages of the adoption.  We hope there will be no changes in this plan but know other things are possible.  BUT best case scenario...we sign papers....and in 4-6 weeks the adoption s FINAL!  Yuuuup.  It's nuts.  We are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and revel in the fact that we can start making our own decisions for our family.  That has been such a stress relief, at least for me!  Isaiah is talking all about changing his name...and seems excited about it.  We will soon start working on him spelling his last name!  It will be easier once it's Carr!  Piece of cake.

We have an exciting weekend ahead of us with a cousins extravaganza planned for Saturday.  All the Frenette cousins and their kids are descending upon Casa Carr for food, drink and fun.  Should be about 8 or 9 adults and as many small fries.  Look out!  Gabe plans to make his Special Subs.  Mmmmm!

Wishing you all a fun weekend!

PS...when I ran spell check on this entry...it went nuts on Jimmer's name.  Right!

Follow Up

Greetings

It is Tuesday here already and the weeks just keep flying by.  We are pleased with that because it means that Spring gets here sooner.  Our HUGE piles of snow have melted and the ground is a massive puddle of mud...which 4 year olds love.

I wanted to update everyone on Isaiah's final visit with his birth mom.  It was on 2/25 and it was an emotional day.  He met with her and she did an amazing job telling him why she could not care for him and why she wanted him to live and be cared for by us.  He was nervous most of the time.  She made him a recordable book entitled "On the Night You Were Born".  Her voice is reading each page as you look at them.  It is very sweet and how she brought herself to do any of this is amazing to us!

At the end we all met together and cried and hugged.  With him in the middle.  It was a chance for him to see that we all are ok with each other and that he is very loved.  We took a picture of all of us together, which is not blown up and framed on his bedroom wall.  Hopefully it won't be too sad for him to have it there.

We continue to wait for DCF to finish paperwork to allow us to move into the final stage of this process.  Seriously, the day cannot come fast enough for us to  just be parents and a family without being micromanaged and intervened upon.

JP is doing very well, by the way.  For a while there he was losing weight and became pretty fragile.  But now we are pureeing his food (yup) and he is eating like a champ.  He is the sweetest pup in the world, really and a huge sense of pleasure and support to us in the tough times.

Interesting read!

On this rainy and chilly Sunday afternoon I have been doing some reading.  Came across an article by a woman we are going to see for training this week.  It could have been written by our family...particularly me.  Nearly all of it rang true...eerily true.

Click on this link:

http://www.beyondconsequences.com/articles1.html

It is the article entitled "Issues Facing Adoptive Mothers of Children with Special Needs".

It's a long read and really it's a study that was conducted with Adoptive Moms, but it is a birds eye view into our experiences!  In case you, too, are bored on this Sunday afternoon.

One week and one day!

Hello friends!

Well here we are in the middle of February and, personally, I can't wait until it's over.  We're sick of Winter here in CT and are so looking forward to the Spring.  And we really hope we are done with snow for the year.  HA!

We are also looking forward to the end of February for other reasons.  On Feb 25th (one week and one day) some big things are happening and some bigger things might be happening.  First that is the day that Isaiah will have his "goodbye" visit with his birth mom.  It has been a work in progress but we have gotten here, finally.  I put goodbye in quotes because we still are not completely sure we will not allow future visits with his birth mom in the future.  We are considering an annual visit around her birthday, which is in June.  But we need to see how things go first.  Isaiah doesn't know about this yet but we will be prepping him next week.  He has been doing a lot of work with his therapist about becoming adopted...he thought he already was and told her as much!  Lots of progress on the "family" front.

The other thing that may be happening, but is less likely if we stay realistic...is that DCF will be coming for their monthly visit on the 25th.  Well we know that part will happen.  Actually, no we don't...DCF friend cancels sometimes...but moving on.  IF things have moved ahead this months as we HOPE they have, she will be bringing final paperwork for us to sign for the adoption.  Signing those papers then moves this into the stage of getting a Probate court date for the finalization of the adoption.  Usually between signing these papers and total finalization is about 4-6 weeks.  So, if we sign on the 25th, we could be all said and done by the end of March.  BUT we are WELL aware that it may not be this way.  If so, we will sign papers in March and the adoption should be final by April.

Either way, things are really moving now.  Isaiah continues to make progress everywhere and is really starting to feel settled into life here and part of the family.  Of course, things will take some steps back after he sees his birth mom, but that is expected!

So...I can't wait for 2/25 to come.  This will probably be the longest 8 days!

Until then...

The Home Stretch????

Happy New Year!!!!  I know, it's been a while since we have updated you on things here, but you know the deal....there must not be much to update!  Sort of!

We got buried in 2 feet of snow here in CT yesterday.  Everything was shut down and everyone was home!  Including us!  Isaiah stayed in his jammies all day and had some friends over for a play date.  They had a grand old time.  Played hide and seek all over the house.  At one point Gabe was startled by the little buggers hiding in the basement!

At this point, we HOPE we are in the home stretch of the adoption process.  We have been told that DCF is working on finalizing the adoption and that hopefully it will be final in March.  But are we holding our breath...pssst no!  We seem to have been the family that encounters every stinking blip that can occur in this process.  Like, really, Isaiah's therapist and the DCF worker have actually said that to us.  Then they chuckle and I want to poke them in the eyes!  Yeah, soooo funny.  Love it!

As we move forward Isaiah is really connecting with his new therapist and Gabe and I are doing our own work on learning how to parent a child with, what we think is, significant attachment issues.  You would be amazed at the opinions out there among our service providers about Attachment and Isaiah.  It's unreal how not many people agree...on much.  Don't get me started.  We know what our gut tells us and we are doing our own thing to help our family being that we live with the behaviors every day.  And we are making progress tiny bits at a time.  We'll take it!

We have also brought Isaiah's birth mom into the process.  We feel that he needs to have his questions answered by her rather than us because...well he doesn't believe us when we tell him that he won't be visiting her any more.  He always says "well maybe next week".  It's heartbreaking really.  So she has stepped up to the plate, despite knowing that this will be painful and she will meet with us and Isaiah to talk about these questions he has.  We are all a little nervous about that.

Isaiah is doing well in school and continues to love his day care.  I would too if I had home made pancakes and lunches every day.  Seriously, when I drop him off I want to stay for breakfast!  He is also making friends in both places and asking for play dates here and there.  Over Christmas he met some new family in Ohio and loved his big cousins Jansen ad Cara.  He loves those older kids.

So that's where we are for now.  I will try to keep this more updated as we move through the final stages....and encounter any more blips.  Wishing you all a Happy New Year!!