Fall Sunday night!

Ahhhh, do you feel that?  That chill in the air?  Actually it is down right cold, but we are loving it here in CT!  Days that start and end cool but warm up in between.  It was like that all weekend here.  And we loved it.  We had a tag sale all weekend where Grandma Barbie brought a bunch of stuff to sell.  She's moving soon and has to downsize her stuff.  We are *hopeful* that she will end up in town.  Yep, Colchester! We'll see!

Isaiah had a nice weekend.  Played outside and in.  Watched a couple movies and did some TWO wheel bike riding!  Sometimes when we stay home all weekend, it's rough.  Oddly, he doesn't really like to go places but he doesn't really like to stay home either.  Ha!  He completed his first Kindergarten homework assignment this weekend and WE experienced how school can be tricky for adoptive parents.

The assignment was about his name and it was called "The first present my parents gave me".  Whoops.  Not us parents, actually.  His name was outlined on a piece of paper and he had to decide how to decorate it.  He chose buttons and did a great job gluing the buttons onto his name.  I was impressed with his attention to detail and the outcome.  The rest of the assignment was to "talk to your child about why you chose their name and why it is special to you".  Whoops again!  So I emailed his birth mom and just asked her.  She loves that stuff and he loves when I connect with her.  At least we can give him the truth.  And that way if he is asked in class he can tell them.  That's another funny thing.

When I told him the stony and then said "so if Mrs. Tanner asks you where your name came from you can tell her why regular mommy named you that".  He curled up into me and shook his head, "no".  When I asked him why not he said he didn't want to tell anyone that.  I asked for clarification.  He didn't want to tell everyone that he has a regular mommy.  That's what he calls is birth mom.  Is it really possible that he already senses that there can be a negative stigma attached to the life he has to live?  It made me sad for him.  I just told him to do what he felt comfortable with but not to change the truth.  What's interesting is that his best friends are also adopted.  But somehow he still seems to have some shame connected to it.  Buddy.

Well, we are wrapping up the weekend, sadly.  Watching football while Bob snuggles on the couch with us.  Lots of Fall fragranced candles burning, wanting to just keep the weather and feeling like this.  Ahhhh.  Happy week all!

a familiar feeling....

There's a feeling I used to have.  When I could take a big, deep breath in and exhale with pure satisfaction.  When I felt truly fortunate for what we had.  I felt lucky.  Blessed.  It has been a long time since I have had that feeling.  People may think, 'that is terrible'; being that we have adopted a son and had this amazing experience but it has been hard.  This experience has tried us in ways we never imagined and, at times, nearly broken us down.  And it is only now, more than 2 years after Isaiah came to live with us, that I am starting to exhale with comfort again.  To again feel blessed and content.  THAT'S IT.  It is contentment that has been missing.  Yes!  But it is coming back.  I feel it!

People who don't go through this don't understand.  Well, they might with their own biological kids, I guess I don't know that.  But what I know is what we live.  Every day.  And it is amazing, amazingly difficult and amazingly celebratory.

I just had to share this tonight.  Sorry if it seems over indulgent.  But as Gabe and I sat down to watch some MNF and the house was all decked out in Fall decor, I finally did it.  Exhaled and felt fortunate for all that we have.  We have a long road ahead of us with this little boy, but I *think* we finally know we can make it.  Then again, we'll see what tomorrow brings...

revamped blog!

Hello again!
I have changed up the blog with the hopes that I will get back to writing on it and keeping people more up to speed.  I know, it has been a while.


Many things have happened in the few months since I've written:
We went on a family vacation to Cape Cod
Isaiah turned 5!
We endured a Hurricane...which delayed the start of Kindergarten by nearly a week.
Isaiah started Kindergarten!!!


That last item has been pretty huge here.  Of course, it is huge for every family I am sure.  Isaiah was eager to start Kindergarten after a great summer at a new program that he loved.  He really had a fabulous summer...even if he might not admit it!  When the start of school got delayed, things went a little nutty here.  Isaiah's anxiety really elevated and we all lost it for a few days. 
On Friday Sept 2 we all went to CES for the meet and greet.  We all got to meet Isaiah's teacher, Mrs. Tanner, and check out the classroom.  The PTO had an ice cream social, so how could we go wrong?  Isaiah loved that part, of course.  He seemed pretty excited to start the following Tuesday.
That day, a parent had to attend with their child and the session was only 45 minutes.  It was really very cute.  The kids got their lockers and learned some of the classroom rules.  The teacher read a story, The Kissing Hand.  And that's when mommy lost it a bit.  I sat there watching this little boy try his hardest but clearly anxious in his new setting.  He sat and listened to the story while I thought "the rest of you parents have no idea what this little guy has been through".  I know all kids have their struggles, but every once in a while when I stop and think about it, I get overwhelmed with sadness and fear for the Dude.  Most parents don't know his background and the ones that do find Isaiah to be extra awesome.  We just try to get through each day, one at a time.
As I write this Isaiah is asleep...been asleep since 6pm.  Because Kindergarten is HARD!  He loved his first week and is finally settling down a bit.  Let's hope we all do.
This weekend we are heading to a local fair and having a neighborhood block party.  Should be fun!!