In bed by 7:30!

Good evening~
Gabe and I are settled in watching some football and relaxing. It has been a busy couple of days in Colchester.
We will start with yesterday. My mom had an emergency shower for us to help us get things we need. Well, did we ever. People came out in droves and were incredibly generous. All non essential items are hiding in the basement for a gradual roll out. He will have enough toys to last the rest of the year!!! He came to the end of the shower briefly, had some cake and, being a little overwhelmed, left early. He did have a chance to play some basketball and football with the boys. It was cute! Pictures will be posted.
Today was a nice day. Gabe and I were both home most of the day. I had a couple of clients I had to see this afternoon. This morning, Gabe went out to wash the cars and Isaiah wanted to sit in the car. Literally. He climbed up in his car seat, with his cup and stuffed toy and played for an hour while Gabe washed the cars. It was hilarious. I thought, if DCF could see us now...with the kid in his car seat for an hour.
Some milestones met today:
*Out of sheer hunger Isaiah ate a plate of veggies as a snack!
*About 5pm, for the first time since we have had him, Isaiah pooped...on the toilet! Double celebration!
*Last week when he stayed over for the first time, he didn't fall asleep until 8:45. Tonight, he was in bed at 7:30pm!

We are gradually figuring things out. Tomorrow's challenge will be...no nap. He had a prescheduled appoitnment with his pediatrician for 1pm so we will drive nearly an hour for that...right smack dab in the middle of lunch and nap time. I suppose that will mean an early bed time!!!
Until then...

Day one: check!

Good evening from Casa Carr!

Gabe and I are sitting in the living room watching some preseason football listening to Isaiah talk to himself in his bed. WE SURVIVED the first day...well 3/4 of a day.

When we arrived at his foster home, he was READY to go. Seriously, like out the door. It was a dismal rainy day so we scurried into the car with him and all his stuff and made the journey to Colchester. He snoozed on the way.

We settled in and got situated. Had some lunch and then it was nap time. Gabe had to run a couple of errands so I was flying solo. Had to use my stern voice a couple of times, but we survived. Overall, it was a very nice day. Only a little bit of testing, as to be expected.

Once we had dinner and settled in for some evening Dora, Isaiah got snuggly. He wanted to get up on the couch with me and JP. So we snuggled. I think I was more nervous than he was. He snuggled right in and loved on JP (who better stop pooping in the house, by the way).

As soon as the darkness set in, he knew it was bed time. He brushed his teeth, of course and got up in bed. Gabe read him two stories and we said goodnight. As I finish this post, there is no chatting coming from upstairs!

For the first day, I am amazed. As I was preparing dinner I thought, holy crap, we can actually do this. Well, so far anyway.

Gabe and I are both tense this evening but we imagine that will wear off as time goes on. Below is a picture of us snuggling!

Tomorrow is the Emergency Shower, which received more 'yes' RSVP's than I could have EVER imagined. People really amaze me with their well wishes and generosity.

Until then...

Up and at 'em!

Good morning from Rainy SE CT! Blach, it is nasty outside. We have a tropical storm or something hovering around us so the weather is crummy. We don't really care though. (;

This morning we are up cleaning the house and kid proofing areas for the arrival of Isaiah.
JP is thrilled, so much so that the FIRST thing he did this morning was go into Isaiah's room...and poop! Seriously, this dog doesn't poop in the house. This is now the SECOND gift he has left in that room for us to clean up. We think he is sending us a message. We will not be swayed. Well, I am heartbroken for his anxiety but Gabe keeps reassuring me he will be fine!

So we are heading out in an hour or so. The house is clean and strategically set up. Gabe has left Cleveland Browns items through out the house hoping for subliminal messages to sink in. HA! We have a few toys around the house for him as not to overwhelm him and his room...well that has been ready of course.

We will keep you posted as our day progresses!
Until then...

That's my bed!

Greetings~
Isaiah came over yesterday for his first over night at Casa Carr. I went to pick him up about 4pm and we traveled to Colchester. He was very chatty in the car ride and in a pretty good mood.
Gabe got home shortly after us and we settled in for dinner; Sloppy Joe's, French Fries and Green Beans. The Green Beans were turned upside down on the table in no time but he did eat one in an effort to get the fries.
We all enjoyed dinner and then headed out to the playground at the local school. We had fun, he had a lot of fun. JP got a nice walk out of it too. When we got home, it was time for cookies and settling down. Small tantrum about wanting to eat the cookies on the couch...but he got over it. As the night wore on we got ready for bed, HE LOVES TO BRUSH HIS TEETH! It was too funny.
Bedtime was a struggle but we know now that it is because he normally goes to bed around 8:30 and we had him in a hour earlier. But we did the bedtime thing, reading books, rocking and saying goodnight. Another larger tantrum and the repeated notification that he didn't want to go to bed...along with a side of "I'm Scared". He was finally out by 8:45. Nice!
This morning was nice, he got up, brushed his teeth and got dressed. Had some breakfast and played. Brushed his teeth again...not even kidding.
His DCF social worker showed up about 9:30am to get him and have us sign some paperwork to finalize him living with us. This is where I got emotional (see previous post for reasons why). Because of her schedule and our schedule, today was the only day we could sign papers even though we are picking him up on Saturday. DCF Worker thought my "tears of joy" were sweet. HA, Tears of FEAR LADY! She felt that was appropriate as well.
At the end of paper signing, I asked Isaiah if he wanted to show her the upstairs. He jumped down from his seat and ran to show her. When he got into his room he showed her his toys and puzzles and said "that's my bed...my bed!" We felt that was a good sign.
So Saturday we go, mid morning, and pick him up...for good. Gabe and I are super excited...and scared....but I think I already mentioned that. Below is a pic of him from this morning after breakfast. We have finally got the OK to take and post pictures!

Sit with the Feelings!

Hello!
Two entries today...it was that big of an experience!
Now as a therapist I am constantly encouraging my clients to "sit with their feelings". You know, feel them..don't avoid them, don't change behaviors to make them go away. If something is sad, acknowledge it and be sad. If something scares you, be scared.
As Gabe and I laid in bed last night after getting Isaiah to sleep, I acknowledged my FEAR! Big fear. I had to because I found myself wanting to say, No-we can't do this...because I was scared. Changing behaviors to avoid the feelings. Then I started talking to myself...all while Gabe wanted to sleep. Telling myself that it is normal to be scared, we face a lot of unknown things ahead of us. Talking myself down from a panic attack.
Gabe and I are sitting in a LOT of feelings right now. The good news is that we are talking about it and normalizing it for one another. Thank goodness he is here or, out of fear, I may have called DCF to pick the kid up at 10pm last night. Not for anything HE did, but from fear.
So, we are just going to sit in this, let it be what it is and take it one step at a time! When I think about it that way...excitement creeps in next to the fear!
Thank you to all of you for your support and love. We are both incredibly blessed to have so many caring family members and friends to be a part of this experience with us. We never could get through this roller coaster without you!

The Room - video!

Here is a video of the room we have made up for Isaiah. Overnight starts tonight at 4pm!

S-A-TUR-DAY Night!

Last night Gabe and I headed down town to our local pub, which we love. Our good friend Paula joined us and we had some drinks and dinner.

We were in a celebratorious mood after our good visit and decided to do just that: celebrate. After dinner and drinks we headed back to our house where Paula delivered a mattress she is letting us borrow for the time being. We sat outside and talked and had another cocktail. We needed to talk with someone else about all this stuff, I think.

After Paula left we got Isaiah's bed together. I have really been DYING to open up the cute IKEA bedding we bought him. So we dusted off the bed and made it up nicely. JP was curious so we put him up there and he settled right in. Too funny.

We sat on the floor just chatting about this adventure and what lies ahead of us...mostly the unknown....the fear.

My mom went ahead and sent out invitations for a shower for us next weekend and we realized this is really happening. It's hard not to be emotional.

As I woke up this morning...with a slight headache from the celebrating, I realized, that may have been the last kidless Saturday night in this house. Oh how life is going to change.

On our turf!

(Just so you know, I had to try to type the word "turf" 3 times before I got it right)

Ok, so hellloooo there! Although it is early afternoon, we have been up and at em since 6am! We had to go out and do a "kid friendly" grocery shopping trip so we could feed Isaiah when he came over today. So yes, we will again be settling in for an afternoon nap.

Isaiah came over today about 10am. He was dressed in Red Sox gear!!! although I don't really think he knows them from any other team. But he has told us numerous times that he likes baseball! He was shy today, but not to Gabe. In fact he came into the house and hid behind Gabe from me. This is progress. We all settled into the living room and he ran back and forth from the kitchen to the front door...not quite ready to come in and get settled. He eyeballed JP a little bit.
He spotted some bananas and asked for one. Gabe gave him half, he inhaled it and asked for the other half. Gabe gave him that, he ate it and asked for more. Um, no. He didn't like that so we distracted him and went upstairs to play in "his" room. He settled right in and played with the moon Sand Barbie had brought over. Um, it is blue. And sand. You can imagine what our tan carpet now looks like. Actually it came up fine but we smiled knowing that my mom would LOVE to know he played with her toy...and made a mess for me to clean up all at the same time.
He made us all pizza with the moon sand and came over and brought pieces to Gabe, me and JP, repeatedly.
Then we moved onto blocks. He got a little agressive with the blocks. He made a house, Gabe made a house and he wanted to "break Gabe's house". After he was not redirected, he ended up in time out, which he accepted easily. He watched me like a HAWK as I cleaned up the blue sand while he was in time out. We found out why later. Why he is always watching me sooo closely. We'll get to that.
So we cleaned up the blocks, creatively, as fast as we can and we moved on. He went to the bathroom on his own on the big toilet and was so happy to have done so. We bought a step stool for him to climb up onto the toilet and to the sink for his hands and he loved his step stool. He moved it all over the bathroom to use it and then put it back in it's place. He also told us that he "farted".
As we sat down to have lunch, hot dogs, I gave him a plastic placemat to put his stuff on. This is an old school placemat that my grandpa made for me when I was a kid. On it was a picture of me when I was younger in front of my birthday cake. Isaiah looked at it, pointed to me and said something about his mommy. I asked him if that looks like his mommy and he said yes. His adoption worker then confirmed that I have a strong resemblance to his mother. Well no wonder he is trying so hard to figure me out! Makes sense.
We had hot dogs and gold fish and juice for lunch. He wanted another hot dog, of course, but instead he got a dessert of banana yogurt. He loved it and said please and thank you for everything. He also put his foot on my knee under the table and rubbed it around, smiling at me. LOL, he is getting comfy here.
At the end of the visit, he didn't want to leave. (that's a good sign, right). We promised he could come back and play with us again. He walked out to the car and kept turning around to see if we were there, waving at us. He really didn't seem to want to leave.
Tomorrow we process all this, make a list of questions for DCF on Monday and, as long as they have good answers to those questions, prepare for an overnight Monday night.

Until then...

"I don't like girls!"

Greetings~
Gabe and I just woke up from a mid afternoon nap! It was needed after our morning with Isaiah! That and we may have been too anxious to get a good night's sleep last night.
We got up and headed out to the foster home for 9:30 and our little friend was ready...but not in a great mood. Foster mom said he was being "stubborn" and had already had 2 time outs that morning. He climbed into his new car seat (which matches my car perfectly) and off we went to the library.

He had clearly been there before because he knew exactly where to go. Before we could go in though he had to pick up a tissue he threw on the floor in the lobby and that was a waiting game.
He didn't want to do it. So we walked in without him and turned the corner. As soon as we were out of sight, he picked up the tissue and threw it away. Small victory.
He did puzzles and became chatty. He is pretty bright, knew animals and shapes in the puzzles. Then a little girl came to the table to do a puzzle and he just stared at her. This is when he declared "I don't like girls!". I aked him, "so you don't like me?" NOPE! He said "I like him" and pointed to Gabe. Despite his dislike he obeyed me and held my hand occasionally!

From there we hit the mall play ground. He was getting tired and hungry, as indicated by his wide eyes when he saw Sabarro Pizza! We agreed to get pizza for lunch after playing a little. He did well playing, even when a little boy randomly came up and pushed him. He looked at me and pointed to the little boy. All the while I am thinking, Isaiah, you can take him. BAD BAD thoughts! But he didn't get aggressive and push back, just sought us out for reassurance.

He got pretty whiney on the way to lunch and this is when he started to ask for his mom. Today we saw some real tears about that and told him that we know he misses his mom and that it is ok. By the time he ate FOUR small pieces of pizza and strategically placed a carrott onto my plate from his plate he was ready to go. More crying for mommy in the car and then, poof, he was out! He agreed to hang out with us again tomorrow, this time at our house! He will get to meet JP!

Until then...

Mini Gabe

Hello all:
Well it has been a long week anticipating today. A long HOT week in CT. The hand on the clock sure moved slowly today as Gabe and I both got up and worked a full day before meeting Isaiah this evening. It was well worth the wait!
He came to the visit with an adoption worker that helps in transition. We met at a local park, by the swings...and the ice cream truck. OF COURSE there was an ice cream truck!
When Isaiah got out of the car he came holding Ginny's hand and was adorable. Head to toe in Navy blue...navy blue tee under navy blue overalls with a side of navy blue crocs! His overalls had firetrucks on them! All boy!
He was very hesitant and hid behind Ginny until he saw the ice cream truck and then he ignored us all until we figured out he wanted ice cream...so Ginny got him some! He ate a chocolate covered chocolate cone...something Gabe would have bought himself if he knew they sold such a thing. He ate it, with his fingers, didn't speak to us and when I gave him a bottle of water to wash it down with...he opened the bottle and poured it on the ground. He was slow to warm up!
But he did...and quicker to Gabe. Why you might ask...well because he IS Gabe at 3 years old. I didn't know Gabe then, and I know he didn't really look like this but if we shrunk him to the size of a 3 year old, Isaiah is what you would have...mini Gabe. And Isaiah wanted to hang with Gabe. Not me. At first.
We played on the playground...you know teeter totter, slides, playscape, climby thing. He began chatting a bit. His speech is not as bad as we initially thought. We certainly understood, 'SPIDER OFF!' when he wanted the spider to go away. (And it was a huge one)
We played for an hour, in 90 degree heat...we all stunk by the end. He came around to me and looked to me for comfort when the big spider got too close...but when I tried to pat his back in comfort he pulled away. We were thrilled. Really. All of his behaviors were so appropriate and "normal" for his age.
He got tired at the end and whined, asking for his mom. We wrapped up the visit with a plan to see him again tomorrow morning. We will pick him up and spend about 3 hours with him on our own. We are both looking forward to it. The car seat is assembled and in the car.
Before leaving his house the adoption worker asked him if he wanted to visit with Beverly and Gabe tomorrow and he enthusiastically said, YES. Thank goodness...what would she have done if he said no?
Until then....

It's been a while....

Greetings and Salutations from CT!!!
It has been a looong time since we have updated this blog, mostly because there was little to update...until now.

The last blog update was about Charlie and Bev's Dad. An update on them as well. We have heard that Charlie has been placed with a family and that they have a lot more information than we did on his issues. For that we are thankful and trust that it was the best decision for everyone. Bev's Dad has made a near full recovery. He is home and active and feeling much better!

Onto the present. We have had a lot of time to think about DCF and our involvement with them lately. Some of our thoughts have been pessimistic and others not so much. We had decided that perhaps we would abandon the idea of adopting through DCF since it was taking soooooo long. For a frame of reference, our 2 year license will expire in October!
Just as we decided to perhaps be done with them and move on to making a baby of our own, we got a call about a 2 year old boy named Isaiah! Clearly we are not done with DCF!

We have now had 2 conversations with his DCF worker, one over the phone and one in person. After both, we have a good feeling. There are significant legal risks as we move forward because there is a lot of time for his mom to turn herself around, but with her extensive history, DCF doesn't think that is likely. But it will be a while before he is really legally free for adoption. That is a risk we knew we would face when signing up for this process.

One cool thing is that he has a 14 year old sister, placed with another family, that would eventually become a part of our family if we keep Isaiah. She will not live with us but will continue to visit her brother and hence spend time with us.

He is a BIG boy! The DCF worker keeps saying, NOT FAT, JUST HUSKY! I believe she called him a mini linebacker! Gabe smirked at that.

We plan to meet him next Thursday and if that goes well, spend some time with him next weekend. If we move forward, it will be fast. He will be starting pre school this year and DCF would like him placed where he will start school. We understand that.

So our head has been spinning all day and we have been thinking about what could be ahead of us. It is exciting but scary and we are taking it one step at a time. The next step is our first visit.

Until then...