It freaking SNOWED here today! I heard mutterings of such an occurrence but didn't pay any attention to it. HA! Woke up to snow. Not a lot, mind you but when that happens, BAM Christmas music is played all day. Truth.
The snow is a little bittersweet, really. It means the holidays really are coming and Isaiah still isn't home yet. BUT, I think we are getting close. Turns out the medication change that happened last week was not effective. Seriously, Gabe and I should treat ourselves to something each time a doc wants to try a med increase when we can tell from the get go, it's not helping. We know these things.
But, the doc tried something else and that may be helping. I, again, go back to the opinion that meds don't make a huge difference and Isaiah has to want to be safe and home...and functioning. I don't know if I should dare say he wants that a little more right now.
He has started to go to school for more time, has been staying relatively safer and the doctors have mentioned the 'D' word. Discharge. Kinda wish they could think of a different word, actually. We have a meeting tomorrow around noon to discuss his post-care plan and we have voluntary services in the works with DCF that will start at some point soon. I could actually poke myself in the eyes with toothpicks thinking about having DCF back in our house. Luckily the Social Worker at the hospital wrote a fantastic letter to DCF advising the kind of services that will NOT be helpful to our family. Fingers crossed that DCF will listen! (that's actually a hilarious statement right there).
Some good things that have happened over the past week:
*Gabe went away to visit one of his coastie friends in GA for the weekend. Had fun. Isaiah missed him and was worried about mom being at home alone.
*Isaiah got a little stomach bug...no this is not good. But he was wishing for mom to come take care of him. His statement "They won't help me feel better here. THEY WON'T HELP ME!!!" This, of course is not true, but he seemed to think mom could help him. Sweet.
*He is officially sick of the hospital food. APPLAUSE!!! Yesterday he started talking like a hippie threatening to not eat until he gets better food selection. I am not even kidding. He said "Well I am not eating here. I am done eating this food." My response: there's good food waiting for you at home.
Tomorrow at noon. That's when the plan is set in motion. Part of me thinks he is ready and part of me could actually vomit at the idea. Really, this is our last shot. I am certain that any subsequent hospitalization will result in placement in a residential treatment facility...so I pray he is really ready to be here and that the after care plan will be effective.
Until tomorrow...
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Update
Today is November 3rd. This will be the longest day of the year. It always is, the day we turn the clock back. I've been up since 7 which is now 6. I'll do that all days too. "Well, it's _ o'clock but that means it's really _!" Dives me nuts!!
I mentioned the date because I was just thinking that Isaiah has been in the hospital since October 15. That's a long, damn time. And yes, he's still there. Overall there has been progress. He has been less aggressive since last Monday, which is when a lot of things happened. And I hate when that happens. We have no IDEA what caused the slow change because we implemented more than one thing. So last Monday the following happened:
*His doctor increased the medication he's on.
*We brought in Melatonin for them to give him at night and he finally slept like a baby!
*We changed our visiting plan
Although those may not all seem like things that could spark change, any of them could...alone. Never mind together. I hate when we do that!!! I think I already mentioned that. Of course the doc is going to think it was the meds. I don't. I think it's a combo of the other 2 components. He's finally sleeping and therefore less agitated over all during the days. And I think he's finally starting to miss home because he isn't seeing one of us daily. But the doc will think it's the meds, which I hate!!!!
Isaiah had a good Halloween. He decorated a special tee shirt and got to wear it. Had cookies and candy. Called home that night with a belly ache from eating too much. Pretty typical Halloween other than the trick or treating. We went to visit him yesterday and I gave him a hair cut and nice hot shower. He hasn't been able to shower with his stitches but mommy snuck him in. During that visit he must have felt close because we saw tears wen we left and we haven't see those in a while. And when he called last night his little voice quivered when he said "I don't want you to hang up. I like to hear your voice." Ya. That's fun.
We just keep telling him to do his jobs so he can come home and that we're also sad he's not here with us. You can actually see that he has to think about home vs. the hospital. I can see it. He's comfortable there. He's still now quite sure about coming home.
We meet with his team again this Monday to hear their thoughts and potential plan.
Until then ...
I mentioned the date because I was just thinking that Isaiah has been in the hospital since October 15. That's a long, damn time. And yes, he's still there. Overall there has been progress. He has been less aggressive since last Monday, which is when a lot of things happened. And I hate when that happens. We have no IDEA what caused the slow change because we implemented more than one thing. So last Monday the following happened:
*His doctor increased the medication he's on.
*We brought in Melatonin for them to give him at night and he finally slept like a baby!
*We changed our visiting plan
Although those may not all seem like things that could spark change, any of them could...alone. Never mind together. I hate when we do that!!! I think I already mentioned that. Of course the doc is going to think it was the meds. I don't. I think it's a combo of the other 2 components. He's finally sleeping and therefore less agitated over all during the days. And I think he's finally starting to miss home because he isn't seeing one of us daily. But the doc will think it's the meds, which I hate!!!!
Isaiah had a good Halloween. He decorated a special tee shirt and got to wear it. Had cookies and candy. Called home that night with a belly ache from eating too much. Pretty typical Halloween other than the trick or treating. We went to visit him yesterday and I gave him a hair cut and nice hot shower. He hasn't been able to shower with his stitches but mommy snuck him in. During that visit he must have felt close because we saw tears wen we left and we haven't see those in a while. And when he called last night his little voice quivered when he said "I don't want you to hang up. I like to hear your voice." Ya. That's fun.
We just keep telling him to do his jobs so he can come home and that we're also sad he's not here with us. You can actually see that he has to think about home vs. the hospital. I can see it. He's comfortable there. He's still now quite sure about coming home.
We meet with his team again this Monday to hear their thoughts and potential plan.
Until then ...
Thursday, October 24, 2013
It's been a while...
It has been a very long time since I have looked at or contributed to this blog. When I woke up this morning, I felt the need to look back at it and add to it. I realized we are at a point where things may really change for our family and it is probably time to start letting some people in on that information, since it may affect others.
Isaiah is 7 now! He is in second grade and has a mouth full of "big boy" teeth. He loves Legos, Star Wars and yes, Sofia the First. Honestly, she is adorable, have you watched that show?! He is a master at riding his bike, building things and can hear one fact at school and remember it (meaning repeat it) forever! He loves to play soccer and watch Football on the weekends. He is a cutie!
He is also incredibly angry. Over the past few months he has struggled to maintain safety both at school and at home. He can rage for long periods of time and become very combative. And then want to be held like a toddler. A nearly 70 pound toddler. As he gets older the neglect he suffered becomes more evident and the pervasive loss he feels for his birth family is palpable. There are times I actually try to figure out a way to have them in our lives, until I remember we tried that with his sister and she was not interested. Then I grieve for his loss.
Because he carries such anger and defiance he has had to change schools. For some reason, he is NOT a fan of second grade and the work can take a hike, in his opinion. He has basically refused to do school work for the last month and a half. The new school is supposed to be better equipped to handle his emotions, help him regulate and still challenge him academically. In case you didn't know, he is ridiculously smart. This child has so much potential that we fear will get minimized due to his behaviors. But supposedly the new school will help. When he gets there.
Isaiah has been hospitalized for the last week due to his unsafe behaviors towards others, including school staff and myself. His team is trying to come up with a plan that will allow him to come home and be safe. It is going to take a little while. Or maybe a long while. We don't really know. So we visit regularly and have constant contact with his team. He has a lot of his favorite things with him and is comfortable there.
Yesterday he called me in the afternoon. Around 2pm. He calls a lot. His little voice on the phone is so the opposite of some of his behaviors that is is almost heartbreaking to listen to. We talked and he said "I was worried you weren't going to call me ever again". He's lived here for 4 years. We have been involved in every step of his life since then. And he still worries. Why? Because a year ago he called his biological sister for her birthday. He sang to her. And she never called him back. EVER! Even though she said she would visit him every 2 months he never heard from her again. And that instance is brought up regularly and carried over into other relationships he has today. Even with people who are there daily. The loss is pervasive. The anger is warranted.
So we are in a bit of a holding pattern with the dude. His team of docs has been realistic with us. He will not come home until he is safe, both at home and at school. Being a mom, I think , OK...it will take time but this will happen. Being a therapist I know there is a chance he will not come home. He has to get on board. He has to join our fight. Right now, he is not sure he wants to. It is actually scary for him to be a part of a loving and secure family.
I will try to update this blog more often as we navigate the next steps of this journey. It is actually easier for me to do it this way....I cry far less than having to tell people in person. (;
Isaiah is 7 now! He is in second grade and has a mouth full of "big boy" teeth. He loves Legos, Star Wars and yes, Sofia the First. Honestly, she is adorable, have you watched that show?! He is a master at riding his bike, building things and can hear one fact at school and remember it (meaning repeat it) forever! He loves to play soccer and watch Football on the weekends. He is a cutie!
Because he carries such anger and defiance he has had to change schools. For some reason, he is NOT a fan of second grade and the work can take a hike, in his opinion. He has basically refused to do school work for the last month and a half. The new school is supposed to be better equipped to handle his emotions, help him regulate and still challenge him academically. In case you didn't know, he is ridiculously smart. This child has so much potential that we fear will get minimized due to his behaviors. But supposedly the new school will help. When he gets there.
Isaiah has been hospitalized for the last week due to his unsafe behaviors towards others, including school staff and myself. His team is trying to come up with a plan that will allow him to come home and be safe. It is going to take a little while. Or maybe a long while. We don't really know. So we visit regularly and have constant contact with his team. He has a lot of his favorite things with him and is comfortable there.
Yesterday he called me in the afternoon. Around 2pm. He calls a lot. His little voice on the phone is so the opposite of some of his behaviors that is is almost heartbreaking to listen to. We talked and he said "I was worried you weren't going to call me ever again". He's lived here for 4 years. We have been involved in every step of his life since then. And he still worries. Why? Because a year ago he called his biological sister for her birthday. He sang to her. And she never called him back. EVER! Even though she said she would visit him every 2 months he never heard from her again. And that instance is brought up regularly and carried over into other relationships he has today. Even with people who are there daily. The loss is pervasive. The anger is warranted.
So we are in a bit of a holding pattern with the dude. His team of docs has been realistic with us. He will not come home until he is safe, both at home and at school. Being a mom, I think , OK...it will take time but this will happen. Being a therapist I know there is a chance he will not come home. He has to get on board. He has to join our fight. Right now, he is not sure he wants to. It is actually scary for him to be a part of a loving and secure family.
I will try to update this blog more often as we navigate the next steps of this journey. It is actually easier for me to do it this way....I cry far less than having to tell people in person. (;
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