There's a feeling I used to have. When I could take a big, deep breath in and exhale with pure satisfaction. When I felt truly fortunate for what we had. I felt lucky. Blessed. It has been a long time since I have had that feeling. People may think, 'that is terrible'; being that we have adopted a son and had this amazing experience but it has been hard. This experience has tried us in ways we never imagined and, at times, nearly broken us down. And it is only now, more than 2 years after Isaiah came to live with us, that I am starting to exhale with comfort again. To again feel blessed and content. THAT'S IT. It is contentment that has been missing. Yes! But it is coming back. I feel it!
People who don't go through this don't understand. Well, they might with their own biological kids, I guess I don't know that. But what I know is what we live. Every day. And it is amazing, amazingly difficult and amazingly celebratory.
I just had to share this tonight. Sorry if it seems over indulgent. But as Gabe and I sat down to watch some MNF and the house was all decked out in Fall decor, I finally did it. Exhaled and felt fortunate for all that we have. We have a long road ahead of us with this little boy, but I *think* we finally know we can make it. Then again, we'll see what tomorrow brings...
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