revamped blog!

Hello again!
I have changed up the blog with the hopes that I will get back to writing on it and keeping people more up to speed.  I know, it has been a while.


Many things have happened in the few months since I've written:
We went on a family vacation to Cape Cod
Isaiah turned 5!
We endured a Hurricane...which delayed the start of Kindergarten by nearly a week.
Isaiah started Kindergarten!!!


That last item has been pretty huge here.  Of course, it is huge for every family I am sure.  Isaiah was eager to start Kindergarten after a great summer at a new program that he loved.  He really had a fabulous summer...even if he might not admit it!  When the start of school got delayed, things went a little nutty here.  Isaiah's anxiety really elevated and we all lost it for a few days. 
On Friday Sept 2 we all went to CES for the meet and greet.  We all got to meet Isaiah's teacher, Mrs. Tanner, and check out the classroom.  The PTO had an ice cream social, so how could we go wrong?  Isaiah loved that part, of course.  He seemed pretty excited to start the following Tuesday.
That day, a parent had to attend with their child and the session was only 45 minutes.  It was really very cute.  The kids got their lockers and learned some of the classroom rules.  The teacher read a story, The Kissing Hand.  And that's when mommy lost it a bit.  I sat there watching this little boy try his hardest but clearly anxious in his new setting.  He sat and listened to the story while I thought "the rest of you parents have no idea what this little guy has been through".  I know all kids have their struggles, but every once in a while when I stop and think about it, I get overwhelmed with sadness and fear for the Dude.  Most parents don't know his background and the ones that do find Isaiah to be extra awesome.  We just try to get through each day, one at a time.
As I write this Isaiah is asleep...been asleep since 6pm.  Because Kindergarten is HARD!  He loved his first week and is finally settling down a bit.  Let's hope we all do.
This weekend we are heading to a local fair and having a neighborhood block party.  Should be fun!!

That was a fun day!

Hello everyone!
Well, it finally arrived, ADOPTION DAY!  Yep, it was today.  The anticipation has been building for a while here...and sometimes anticipation is a good thing and some times it's a pain.  We experienced a little of both!  But we made it to this day...and what a day it was.  After days of heat and humidity we woke up to dry sunny weather this morning.  A beautiful breeze went through the house as we prepared for the adoption ceremony. 
Gabe's parents came in for the event, only in CT for about 20 hours to help us celebrate.  Add to them, my parents, cousins and our good friends and we rolled up to that court house with a CREW!  The judge, Chuck Norris, was great.  Yes, that is really his name.  He did a fabulous job with the ceremony and everyone posed for lots of pictures.  Isaiah was a little uncomfortable with the attention but did all right once he was in front of Chuck Norris.  Who wouldn't?  After the ceremony and pics, we headed back to Colchester and celebrated with lunch, cake and the kiddie pool.  The kids played for hours in the sun while the adults chatted, ate and relaxed.  We sang "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" because, I mean, what is an appropriate adoption song, really?
After the last of the guests left we stayed outside for a while and just hung out...with our new dog, Bob. (that's another story)  Right now, Isaiah is in bed, we are on the sofa with Bob and we just looked at one another and said, "now what"?  I feel I could sleep for a week.  Nearly 2 years ago this process started and even though our day to day life will not change, it feels different already.  I guess it's time to exhale now.  Will do!

We are so lucky to have amazing friends and family to have supported and continue to support us through this journey.  It's been harder than anything we ever thought possible, but apparently so is parenthood in general.  Thank you to everyone who has helped us with any and everything over the past 21 months.  We never could have made it through this without your love and support!

April showers bring May....adoptions!

Happy Spring!  At least I think it is Spring.  The weather has been so iffy, I dare not think it will be warm day to day.  Eventually it will happen...right?

As we close out the month of April, I cannot believe all that has happened.  It was a month full of emotional showers for sure.  On April 4th, JP, our most beloved Bichon died.  It is hard to believe it was almost 4 weeks ago.  It feels like just yesterday and/or a year ago...depending on the day.  His kidney disease really accelerated and eventually affected him neurologically.  After 2 significant neurological events in three days, the vet made it clear that we had to make a decision for JP's care.  Gabe and I cried so hard but knew that we would never want JP to be uncomfortable or disoriented, as he had become.  So on April 4, early in the morning, he was euthanized.  It has been a very difficult adjustment for us all to make, but we are getting through it.

The aftermath of JP's passing was difficult for everyone...for similar and different reasons.  Isaiah really struggled with the fact that we adults were struggling.  He was uncomfortable with our being so emotional...and it not being related to him.  So he created ways for it to be related to him, making April a very challenging month, overall.  We are finally all coming back around and feeling somewhat like ourselves, which is good...because we have an adoption to get ready for!

The date is set: May 31, 2011 @ 11:30am in Norwich CT.  That is the day Isaiah will become Isaiah Carr!  He has an outfit all ready and he has been practicing his new name.  He has decided who he wants to invite to the ceremony and is getting pretty excited...as are we!  We had our final in-home visit with DCF yesterday and that was a good feeling.  Gradually we are starting to realize we won't have anyone to micromanage our lives...and make "helpful" suggestions about how we handle things.  We will be free to screw it all up on our own!!!  YEHAW!  I feel as a parent I should be granted the right to screw up without it being documented, thank you very much!

Isaiah is finishing up his preschool year and growing leaps and bounds, academically and socially.  The preschool program he was involved in this year was tremendous in so many ways and he is a school lover right now because of it.  He is so invested in moving on to Kindergarten...so much so that he has been practicing flash cards to help in a couple of areas he is lagging...lower case letters and double digit numbers.  He WANTS to be ready!!!

So, we are looking forward....to May.  To recovering from the loss of our pet, to warmer days and to an official welcome of our son.  Finally, it feels normal to say that.  I've always hesitated because, in fact, he was not my son.  Soon, he will be.
Until then...


ps...i won't be removing JP's signature from the blog.  not quite there yet!

Songs that hit home....

Gabe and I went to a parenting workshop 2 weeks ago and the presenter shared two songs and their lyrics that represent what children like Isaiah, traumatized, neglected and removed from their birth parents feel and struggle with.  Needless to say, when she played them and showed the lyrics, I couldn't stop crying.  It's so easy to get caught up in day to day things and not remember all that this little boy has been through.  So I thought I'd share them because it was a helpful and emotional experience for us.

I am a Rock

Remember the Tinman
(this is by Tracy Chapman, who grew up in Foster Care)

Big changes!

Hello Basketball fans~
I hope you are all enjoying March Madness.  I only wonder what kind of name Jimmer is?!?!?!  It's all over the tournament and I find it interesting.  Gabe is rooting for BYU in the final four so he is always talking about Jimmer.  Jimmer this...Jimmer that...Go Jimmer.  Ok then.

Onto non basketball topics...and there are many!  I honestly don't even know where to begin.  Two weeks ago, we made a decision to remove Isaiah from his Day Care.  There was an incident and we were less than pleased with the Day Care owner's response.  We pulled him for a week to figure things out, changed our work schedules to be home for The Dude and somehow made it work.  At the end of the week we realized something.  Everyone was happier.  We were more tired due to the change but as a family, we were more at peace.  We got to thinking...could we do this for a while...like til the end of the school year and see how it goes?  And that's what we've decided to do.  Isaiah is so thrilled to be home with us each day.  We have a very part time sitter for a couple of hours Tuesday and Thursday whom he also loves...and she comes to our house. 
We've learned that it gives us many more opportunities to work through any issues with Isaiah's behaviors.  It provides so much more consistency and we are just less stressed, which was the most surprising.  This week has been a little harder for The Dude because he gets scared as he bonds more with us but being home we are able to work through those things with no interruption or outside influences!  Sweet.  It's been a very positive change!

We PLAN to meet @ DCF on Wednesday, this Wednesday to sign paperwork that will move us to the final stages of the adoption.  We hope there will be no changes in this plan but know other things are possible.  BUT best case scenario...we sign papers....and in 4-6 weeks the adoption s FINAL!  Yuuuup.  It's nuts.  We are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and revel in the fact that we can start making our own decisions for our family.  That has been such a stress relief, at least for me!  Isaiah is talking all about changing his name...and seems excited about it.  We will soon start working on him spelling his last name!  It will be easier once it's Carr!  Piece of cake.

We have an exciting weekend ahead of us with a cousins extravaganza planned for Saturday.  All the Frenette cousins and their kids are descending upon Casa Carr for food, drink and fun.  Should be about 8 or 9 adults and as many small fries.  Look out!  Gabe plans to make his Special Subs.  Mmmmm!

Wishing you all a fun weekend!

PS...when I ran spell check on this entry...it went nuts on Jimmer's name.  Right!

Follow Up

Greetings

It is Tuesday here already and the weeks just keep flying by.  We are pleased with that because it means that Spring gets here sooner.  Our HUGE piles of snow have melted and the ground is a massive puddle of mud...which 4 year olds love.

I wanted to update everyone on Isaiah's final visit with his birth mom.  It was on 2/25 and it was an emotional day.  He met with her and she did an amazing job telling him why she could not care for him and why she wanted him to live and be cared for by us.  He was nervous most of the time.  She made him a recordable book entitled "On the Night You Were Born".  Her voice is reading each page as you look at them.  It is very sweet and how she brought herself to do any of this is amazing to us!

At the end we all met together and cried and hugged.  With him in the middle.  It was a chance for him to see that we all are ok with each other and that he is very loved.  We took a picture of all of us together, which is not blown up and framed on his bedroom wall.  Hopefully it won't be too sad for him to have it there.

We continue to wait for DCF to finish paperwork to allow us to move into the final stage of this process.  Seriously, the day cannot come fast enough for us to  just be parents and a family without being micromanaged and intervened upon.

JP is doing very well, by the way.  For a while there he was losing weight and became pretty fragile.  But now we are pureeing his food (yup) and he is eating like a champ.  He is the sweetest pup in the world, really and a huge sense of pleasure and support to us in the tough times.

Interesting read!

On this rainy and chilly Sunday afternoon I have been doing some reading.  Came across an article by a woman we are going to see for training this week.  It could have been written by our family...particularly me.  Nearly all of it rang true...eerily true.

Click on this link:

http://www.beyondconsequences.com/articles1.html

It is the article entitled "Issues Facing Adoptive Mothers of Children with Special Needs".

It's a long read and really it's a study that was conducted with Adoptive Moms, but it is a birds eye view into our experiences!  In case you, too, are bored on this Sunday afternoon.