Interesting read!

On this rainy and chilly Sunday afternoon I have been doing some reading.  Came across an article by a woman we are going to see for training this week.  It could have been written by our family...particularly me.  Nearly all of it rang true...eerily true.

Click on this link:

http://www.beyondconsequences.com/articles1.html

It is the article entitled "Issues Facing Adoptive Mothers of Children with Special Needs".

It's a long read and really it's a study that was conducted with Adoptive Moms, but it is a birds eye view into our experiences!  In case you, too, are bored on this Sunday afternoon.

One week and one day!

Hello friends!

Well here we are in the middle of February and, personally, I can't wait until it's over.  We're sick of Winter here in CT and are so looking forward to the Spring.  And we really hope we are done with snow for the year.  HA!

We are also looking forward to the end of February for other reasons.  On Feb 25th (one week and one day) some big things are happening and some bigger things might be happening.  First that is the day that Isaiah will have his "goodbye" visit with his birth mom.  It has been a work in progress but we have gotten here, finally.  I put goodbye in quotes because we still are not completely sure we will not allow future visits with his birth mom in the future.  We are considering an annual visit around her birthday, which is in June.  But we need to see how things go first.  Isaiah doesn't know about this yet but we will be prepping him next week.  He has been doing a lot of work with his therapist about becoming adopted...he thought he already was and told her as much!  Lots of progress on the "family" front.

The other thing that may be happening, but is less likely if we stay realistic...is that DCF will be coming for their monthly visit on the 25th.  Well we know that part will happen.  Actually, no we don't...DCF friend cancels sometimes...but moving on.  IF things have moved ahead this months as we HOPE they have, she will be bringing final paperwork for us to sign for the adoption.  Signing those papers then moves this into the stage of getting a Probate court date for the finalization of the adoption.  Usually between signing these papers and total finalization is about 4-6 weeks.  So, if we sign on the 25th, we could be all said and done by the end of March.  BUT we are WELL aware that it may not be this way.  If so, we will sign papers in March and the adoption should be final by April.

Either way, things are really moving now.  Isaiah continues to make progress everywhere and is really starting to feel settled into life here and part of the family.  Of course, things will take some steps back after he sees his birth mom, but that is expected!

So...I can't wait for 2/25 to come.  This will probably be the longest 8 days!

Until then...

The Home Stretch????

Happy New Year!!!!  I know, it's been a while since we have updated you on things here, but you know the deal....there must not be much to update!  Sort of!

We got buried in 2 feet of snow here in CT yesterday.  Everything was shut down and everyone was home!  Including us!  Isaiah stayed in his jammies all day and had some friends over for a play date.  They had a grand old time.  Played hide and seek all over the house.  At one point Gabe was startled by the little buggers hiding in the basement!

At this point, we HOPE we are in the home stretch of the adoption process.  We have been told that DCF is working on finalizing the adoption and that hopefully it will be final in March.  But are we holding our breath...pssst no!  We seem to have been the family that encounters every stinking blip that can occur in this process.  Like, really, Isaiah's therapist and the DCF worker have actually said that to us.  Then they chuckle and I want to poke them in the eyes!  Yeah, soooo funny.  Love it!

As we move forward Isaiah is really connecting with his new therapist and Gabe and I are doing our own work on learning how to parent a child with, what we think is, significant attachment issues.  You would be amazed at the opinions out there among our service providers about Attachment and Isaiah.  It's unreal how not many people agree...on much.  Don't get me started.  We know what our gut tells us and we are doing our own thing to help our family being that we live with the behaviors every day.  And we are making progress tiny bits at a time.  We'll take it!

We have also brought Isaiah's birth mom into the process.  We feel that he needs to have his questions answered by her rather than us because...well he doesn't believe us when we tell him that he won't be visiting her any more.  He always says "well maybe next week".  It's heartbreaking really.  So she has stepped up to the plate, despite knowing that this will be painful and she will meet with us and Isaiah to talk about these questions he has.  We are all a little nervous about that.

Isaiah is doing well in school and continues to love his day care.  I would too if I had home made pancakes and lunches every day.  Seriously, when I drop him off I want to stay for breakfast!  He is also making friends in both places and asking for play dates here and there.  Over Christmas he met some new family in Ohio and loved his big cousins Jansen ad Cara.  He loves those older kids.

So that's where we are for now.  I will try to keep this more updated as we move through the final stages....and encounter any more blips.  Wishing you all a Happy New Year!!

The Wheels are turning

Happy Lazy Sunday.  It is so Fall in CT today.  Down right chili.  We have the pumpkin candles burning and are already thinking about when we will set a fire in the fireplace!  But we LOVE it.  It is Fair season all the way and although we missed a big, local fair this weekend, we plan to hit up more as Fall moves ahead.

We have been doing well here in recent weeks.  Everyone is settling into a nice routine.  Isaiah is learning more and more every day both at daycare and at School.  He has been processing his living situation a LOT lately.  Lots of questions about why he lives with us now and why he lived with his bio mom when he was a baby.  This past week he asked why he wasn't my baby and told Gabe and I that he missed us when he was a baby living with his mom...and that he didn't know our names then.  He's right.  We know his wheels are turning in his little head and we answer questions the best we can while staying age appropriate.  One thing that has helped is our ability to say that he will not be going back to live with his mom and that he will be staying here.

One of the social workers that we are working with has indicated that adoptive children have to navigate through 14 additional phases of life compared to biological children.  We are seeing that in real life right now.  All we can do is hope that we are helping him understand it all a little better.

We just finished his first homework assignment at the kitchen table.  As we got up after completing it I said, "well there will be years of that to come, my friend".  His response "What?  What you said?"  Riiiiight!

Shocker!

Quick update.  There was a court date on Monday.  We knew it but blocked it out with everything else going on.  DCF reminded us and our attorney was going to be at court for something else anyway.  So they all went and we did not.  DCF called at about 4pm to say that Isaiah's Mom went to court and voluntarily gave up her parental rights that day.  As much as we hoped for this, I cried.  I can't imagine what it must have been like for her being that we couldn't let him go after living with him for a year and not having given birth to him.  She also stated that she didn't think there should be any further visits because she would be so emotional that it might negatively impact Isaiah.  Something we respect but that breaks our heart for him.  We hope she reconsiders because we would like them to have a final visit.
We heard from DCF that Mom was devastated when she heard we were having Isaiah move to another family.  When she heard we reconsidered she cried tears of joy.  In my heart I believe she wanted to help make this easier on him and us as we move forward.  For that we are very thankful!
Big week here at Casa Carr.  We just want some calm now!  CALM I SAY!

Summer fun

Little pirate

Auntie Hannah and Isaiah

Serious talk!

THROW ME!

Jimmy "superfly" Snuka!

First day of Kindercamp

Beach

More Beach

WAVES!

Getting very comfortable in the pool

us!

Not the update some of you are expecting!

Hello and...well hello.  It's been a while.  We hope that you have all had a wonderful summer.  It's hard to believe school is starting and that the Fall will soon be upon us.  Love it though!!!

Well I have quite an update and the title says it all.  Over the past couple of months, the Carrs have gone on an unbelievable roller coaster ride.  I won't go in to all of it, but we have endured many many challenges with Isaiah, within ourselves and the the challenge of making the ultimate decision of whether or not we were all a good fit for each other.  In the beginning of August, we made the decision to have Isaiah move on from our home.  It was a very difficult decision but, at the time, we felt it was best.  We began the process of transition, a word I despise now, just for the record.  We had extra support services implemented, held off on certain evaluations and waited for DCF to find a suitable family for him.  When they did, we even went as far as meeting them and their son to begin the transition (ugh).  Then we broke down.

As we thought about Isaiah leaving our home, it seemed unfathomable.  We didn't know how we would actually pack his things and put him in a car to move away.  We cried...usually daily...about the transition.  (blach)  We even talked as though it might not happen and secretly wished the new family wouldn't feel comfortable moving forward.  After meeting them and learning how wonderful they were, we felt worse, not better.  We knew he could do well there, but just didn't think we could let go.  So we aren't!  We went back to DCF and asked for them to consider letting him stay here.  They were hesitant...probably because we kind of waivered once or twice before.  Whoops!  But we totally understood their hesitation and met with them this morning to hash it all out.  They asked hard questions which we answered and we committed to having Isaiah in our family, as he already is.  We just received word that they are going to allow him to stay and that they are happy that he won't have to move.  We will have a lot of work ahead of us, but as we are learning, that is just part of being a parent, which is exactly what he sees us as...his Mommy and Daddy!  So we are committed to working through our fears and frustrations and becoming a forever family.

Next will come some pictures of how he spent his summer, because, well he had a blast!

Until then...