Sunday, November 6, 2011
update!
WOOOHOO! We heard this week that our insurance company approved treatment for our family at The Attachment Institute. Now the Institute and Insurance Co. just need to agree on a rate and we'll be ready to start! WOOOHOOO!!!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Reframing!
Hello friends and family~
Well we have had an INTERESTING week here in CT. A large amount of the state remains without power after an unheard of Nor'easter that hit us Saturday night. It was unreal. In Colchester we received about 7 inches of snow...which is melting fast. The larger issue for many is the lack of electricity. Most of my family remains in the half dark, thanks only to generators. And it's cold. COLD! We are incredibly thankful that we did not lose power and have been able to house my mom, dad and brother...separately. Utility companies are estimating that most of the state should have power by Sunday...but I honestly don't see how that can happen. We'll see!
Things at Casa Carr have been rough. Isaiah has had a tough adjustment to Kindergarten and the combination of having to surrender power to teachers and have social situations with peers has really been difficult for him. Add to that mix the fact that his therapist is really working on the trauma he endured with his birth mom and is no longer allowing him to believe that she was "THE BEST MOMMY". He's struggling. And so are we. Gabe and I have been rather isolated in recent days and weeks feeling very overwhelmed and frustrated. So, we finally made the move to push our Insurance company to cover treatment at the Attachment Institute in Worcester, MA. After a tearful phone call to our Insurance company along with the Institute calling, we are very optimistic that they will approve coverage for treatment. If so, we will go for 2 weeks straight every day. As soon as possible. It has put a little pep back in our step and renewed a glimmer of hope. The fact that we have already tried other therapists has helped...and our current family therapist actually told us that she is at a crossroads with Isaiah and completely supports our moving to more intensive therapy for him and us. Thank Goodness!
Finally, onto the subject line of this post...reframing. Last night I went to a work shop on Vision Boards. It wasn't great. The lady was basically there to promote her services but it got me thinking. I am constantly asking myself WHY we are in this situation. What are we supposed to get out of this, learn from this? It makes my brain HURT! Then this morning something hit me as I was having a conversation with myself...which I often do. I said, "wait a minute...what if this is not about what I gain from this experience...what if it is about all that I have gained from past experiences allowing me to do the best I can for this kid." Maybe it's about actually looking back a bit to see that if we hadn't gone through everything we have, as individuals and as a couple, we wouldn't be able to help our son. Maybe? I'd say that's one hell of a reframe...but for today, I will hold onto it.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Fall Sunday night!
Ahhhh, do you feel that? That chill in the air? Actually it is down right cold, but we are loving it here in CT! Days that start and end cool but warm up in between. It was like that all weekend here. And we loved it. We had a tag sale all weekend where Grandma Barbie brought a bunch of stuff to sell. She's moving soon and has to downsize her stuff. We are *hopeful* that she will end up in town. Yep, Colchester! We'll see!
Isaiah had a nice weekend. Played outside and in. Watched a couple movies and did some TWO wheel bike riding! Sometimes when we stay home all weekend, it's rough. Oddly, he doesn't really like to go places but he doesn't really like to stay home either. Ha! He completed his first Kindergarten homework assignment this weekend and WE experienced how school can be tricky for adoptive parents.
The assignment was about his name and it was called "The first present my parents gave me". Whoops. Not us parents, actually. His name was outlined on a piece of paper and he had to decide how to decorate it. He chose buttons and did a great job gluing the buttons onto his name. I was impressed with his attention to detail and the outcome. The rest of the assignment was to "talk to your child about why you chose their name and why it is special to you". Whoops again! So I emailed his birth mom and just asked her. She loves that stuff and he loves when I connect with her. At least we can give him the truth. And that way if he is asked in class he can tell them. That's another funny thing.
When I told him the stony and then said "so if Mrs. Tanner asks you where your name came from you can tell her why regular mommy named you that". He curled up into me and shook his head, "no". When I asked him why not he said he didn't want to tell anyone that. I asked for clarification. He didn't want to tell everyone that he has a regular mommy. That's what he calls is birth mom. Is it really possible that he already senses that there can be a negative stigma attached to the life he has to live? It made me sad for him. I just told him to do what he felt comfortable with but not to change the truth. What's interesting is that his best friends are also adopted. But somehow he still seems to have some shame connected to it. Buddy.
Well, we are wrapping up the weekend, sadly. Watching football while Bob snuggles on the couch with us. Lots of Fall fragranced candles burning, wanting to just keep the weather and feeling like this. Ahhhh. Happy week all!
Isaiah had a nice weekend. Played outside and in. Watched a couple movies and did some TWO wheel bike riding! Sometimes when we stay home all weekend, it's rough. Oddly, he doesn't really like to go places but he doesn't really like to stay home either. Ha! He completed his first Kindergarten homework assignment this weekend and WE experienced how school can be tricky for adoptive parents.
The assignment was about his name and it was called "The first present my parents gave me". Whoops. Not us parents, actually. His name was outlined on a piece of paper and he had to decide how to decorate it. He chose buttons and did a great job gluing the buttons onto his name. I was impressed with his attention to detail and the outcome. The rest of the assignment was to "talk to your child about why you chose their name and why it is special to you". Whoops again! So I emailed his birth mom and just asked her. She loves that stuff and he loves when I connect with her. At least we can give him the truth. And that way if he is asked in class he can tell them. That's another funny thing.
When I told him the stony and then said "so if Mrs. Tanner asks you where your name came from you can tell her why regular mommy named you that". He curled up into me and shook his head, "no". When I asked him why not he said he didn't want to tell anyone that. I asked for clarification. He didn't want to tell everyone that he has a regular mommy. That's what he calls is birth mom. Is it really possible that he already senses that there can be a negative stigma attached to the life he has to live? It made me sad for him. I just told him to do what he felt comfortable with but not to change the truth. What's interesting is that his best friends are also adopted. But somehow he still seems to have some shame connected to it. Buddy.
Well, we are wrapping up the weekend, sadly. Watching football while Bob snuggles on the couch with us. Lots of Fall fragranced candles burning, wanting to just keep the weather and feeling like this. Ahhhh. Happy week all!
Monday, September 12, 2011
a familiar feeling....
There's a feeling I used to have. When I could take a big, deep breath in and exhale with pure satisfaction. When I felt truly fortunate for what we had. I felt lucky. Blessed. It has been a long time since I have had that feeling. People may think, 'that is terrible'; being that we have adopted a son and had this amazing experience but it has been hard. This experience has tried us in ways we never imagined and, at times, nearly broken us down. And it is only now, more than 2 years after Isaiah came to live with us, that I am starting to exhale with comfort again. To again feel blessed and content. THAT'S IT. It is contentment that has been missing. Yes! But it is coming back. I feel it!
People who don't go through this don't understand. Well, they might with their own biological kids, I guess I don't know that. But what I know is what we live. Every day. And it is amazing, amazingly difficult and amazingly celebratory.
I just had to share this tonight. Sorry if it seems over indulgent. But as Gabe and I sat down to watch some MNF and the house was all decked out in Fall decor, I finally did it. Exhaled and felt fortunate for all that we have. We have a long road ahead of us with this little boy, but I *think* we finally know we can make it. Then again, we'll see what tomorrow brings...
Friday, September 9, 2011
revamped blog!
Hello again!
I have changed up the blog with the hopes that I will get back to writing on it and keeping people more up to speed. I know, it has been a while.
Many things have happened in the few months since I've written:
We went on a family vacation to Cape Cod
Isaiah turned 5!
We endured a Hurricane...which delayed the start of Kindergarten by nearly a week.
Isaiah started Kindergarten!!!
That last item has been pretty huge here. Of course, it is huge for every family I am sure. Isaiah was eager to start Kindergarten after a great summer at a new program that he loved. He really had a fabulous summer...even if he might not admit it! When the start of school got delayed, things went a little nutty here. Isaiah's anxiety really elevated and we all lost it for a few days.
On Friday Sept 2 we all went to CES for the meet and greet. We all got to meet Isaiah's teacher, Mrs. Tanner, and check out the classroom. The PTO had an ice cream social, so how could we go wrong? Isaiah loved that part, of course. He seemed pretty excited to start the following Tuesday.
That day, a parent had to attend with their child and the session was only 45 minutes. It was really very cute. The kids got their lockers and learned some of the classroom rules. The teacher read a story, The Kissing Hand. And that's when mommy lost it a bit. I sat there watching this little boy try his hardest but clearly anxious in his new setting. He sat and listened to the story while I thought "the rest of you parents have no idea what this little guy has been through". I know all kids have their struggles, but every once in a while when I stop and think about it, I get overwhelmed with sadness and fear for the Dude. Most parents don't know his background and the ones that do find Isaiah to be extra awesome. We just try to get through each day, one at a time.
As I write this Isaiah is asleep...been asleep since 6pm. Because Kindergarten is HARD! He loved his first week and is finally settling down a bit. Let's hope we all do.
This weekend we are heading to a local fair and having a neighborhood block party. Should be fun!!
I have changed up the blog with the hopes that I will get back to writing on it and keeping people more up to speed. I know, it has been a while.
Many things have happened in the few months since I've written:
We went on a family vacation to Cape Cod
Isaiah turned 5!
We endured a Hurricane...which delayed the start of Kindergarten by nearly a week.
Isaiah started Kindergarten!!!
That last item has been pretty huge here. Of course, it is huge for every family I am sure. Isaiah was eager to start Kindergarten after a great summer at a new program that he loved. He really had a fabulous summer...even if he might not admit it! When the start of school got delayed, things went a little nutty here. Isaiah's anxiety really elevated and we all lost it for a few days.
On Friday Sept 2 we all went to CES for the meet and greet. We all got to meet Isaiah's teacher, Mrs. Tanner, and check out the classroom. The PTO had an ice cream social, so how could we go wrong? Isaiah loved that part, of course. He seemed pretty excited to start the following Tuesday.
That day, a parent had to attend with their child and the session was only 45 minutes. It was really very cute. The kids got their lockers and learned some of the classroom rules. The teacher read a story, The Kissing Hand. And that's when mommy lost it a bit. I sat there watching this little boy try his hardest but clearly anxious in his new setting. He sat and listened to the story while I thought "the rest of you parents have no idea what this little guy has been through". I know all kids have their struggles, but every once in a while when I stop and think about it, I get overwhelmed with sadness and fear for the Dude. Most parents don't know his background and the ones that do find Isaiah to be extra awesome. We just try to get through each day, one at a time.
As I write this Isaiah is asleep...been asleep since 6pm. Because Kindergarten is HARD! He loved his first week and is finally settling down a bit. Let's hope we all do.
This weekend we are heading to a local fair and having a neighborhood block party. Should be fun!!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
That was a fun day!
Hello everyone!
Well, it finally arrived, ADOPTION DAY! Yep, it was today. The anticipation has been building for a while here...and sometimes anticipation is a good thing and some times it's a pain. We experienced a little of both! But we made it to this day...and what a day it was. After days of heat and humidity we woke up to dry sunny weather this morning. A beautiful breeze went through the house as we prepared for the adoption ceremony.
Gabe's parents came in for the event, only in CT for about 20 hours to help us celebrate. Add to them, my parents, cousins and our good friends and we rolled up to that court house with a CREW! The judge, Chuck Norris, was great. Yes, that is really his name. He did a fabulous job with the ceremony and everyone posed for lots of pictures. Isaiah was a little uncomfortable with the attention but did all right once he was in front of Chuck Norris. Who wouldn't? After the ceremony and pics, we headed back to Colchester and celebrated with lunch, cake and the kiddie pool. The kids played for hours in the sun while the adults chatted, ate and relaxed. We sang "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" because, I mean, what is an appropriate adoption song, really?
After the last of the guests left we stayed outside for a while and just hung out...with our new dog, Bob. (that's another story) Right now, Isaiah is in bed, we are on the sofa with Bob and we just looked at one another and said, "now what"? I feel I could sleep for a week. Nearly 2 years ago this process started and even though our day to day life will not change, it feels different already. I guess it's time to exhale now. Will do!
We are so lucky to have amazing friends and family to have supported and continue to support us through this journey. It's been harder than anything we ever thought possible, but apparently so is parenthood in general. Thank you to everyone who has helped us with any and everything over the past 21 months. We never could have made it through this without your love and support!
Well, it finally arrived, ADOPTION DAY! Yep, it was today. The anticipation has been building for a while here...and sometimes anticipation is a good thing and some times it's a pain. We experienced a little of both! But we made it to this day...and what a day it was. After days of heat and humidity we woke up to dry sunny weather this morning. A beautiful breeze went through the house as we prepared for the adoption ceremony.
Gabe's parents came in for the event, only in CT for about 20 hours to help us celebrate. Add to them, my parents, cousins and our good friends and we rolled up to that court house with a CREW! The judge, Chuck Norris, was great. Yes, that is really his name. He did a fabulous job with the ceremony and everyone posed for lots of pictures. Isaiah was a little uncomfortable with the attention but did all right once he was in front of Chuck Norris. Who wouldn't? After the ceremony and pics, we headed back to Colchester and celebrated with lunch, cake and the kiddie pool. The kids played for hours in the sun while the adults chatted, ate and relaxed. We sang "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" because, I mean, what is an appropriate adoption song, really?
After the last of the guests left we stayed outside for a while and just hung out...with our new dog, Bob. (that's another story) Right now, Isaiah is in bed, we are on the sofa with Bob and we just looked at one another and said, "now what"? I feel I could sleep for a week. Nearly 2 years ago this process started and even though our day to day life will not change, it feels different already. I guess it's time to exhale now. Will do!
We are so lucky to have amazing friends and family to have supported and continue to support us through this journey. It's been harder than anything we ever thought possible, but apparently so is parenthood in general. Thank you to everyone who has helped us with any and everything over the past 21 months. We never could have made it through this without your love and support!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
April showers bring May....adoptions!
Happy Spring! At least I think it is Spring. The weather has been so iffy, I dare not think it will be warm day to day. Eventually it will happen...right?
As we close out the month of April, I cannot believe all that has happened. It was a month full of emotional showers for sure. On April 4th, JP, our most beloved Bichon died. It is hard to believe it was almost 4 weeks ago. It feels like just yesterday and/or a year ago...depending on the day. His kidney disease really accelerated and eventually affected him neurologically. After 2 significant neurological events in three days, the vet made it clear that we had to make a decision for JP's care. Gabe and I cried so hard but knew that we would never want JP to be uncomfortable or disoriented, as he had become. So on April 4, early in the morning, he was euthanized. It has been a very difficult adjustment for us all to make, but we are getting through it.
The aftermath of JP's passing was difficult for everyone...for similar and different reasons. Isaiah really struggled with the fact that we adults were struggling. He was uncomfortable with our being so emotional...and it not being related to him. So he created ways for it to be related to him, making April a very challenging month, overall. We are finally all coming back around and feeling somewhat like ourselves, which is good...because we have an adoption to get ready for!
The date is set: May 31, 2011 @ 11:30am in Norwich CT. That is the day Isaiah will become Isaiah Carr! He has an outfit all ready and he has been practicing his new name. He has decided who he wants to invite to the ceremony and is getting pretty excited...as are we! We had our final in-home visit with DCF yesterday and that was a good feeling. Gradually we are starting to realize we won't have anyone to micromanage our lives...and make "helpful" suggestions about how we handle things. We will be free to screw it all up on our own!!! YEHAW! I feel as a parent I should be granted the right to screw up without it being documented, thank you very much!
Isaiah is finishing up his preschool year and growing leaps and bounds, academically and socially. The preschool program he was involved in this year was tremendous in so many ways and he is a school lover right now because of it. He is so invested in moving on to Kindergarten...so much so that he has been practicing flash cards to help in a couple of areas he is lagging...lower case letters and double digit numbers. He WANTS to be ready!!!
So, we are looking forward....to May. To recovering from the loss of our pet, to warmer days and to an official welcome of our son. Finally, it feels normal to say that. I've always hesitated because, in fact, he was not my son. Soon, he will be.
Until then...
ps...i won't be removing JP's signature from the blog. not quite there yet!
As we close out the month of April, I cannot believe all that has happened. It was a month full of emotional showers for sure. On April 4th, JP, our most beloved Bichon died. It is hard to believe it was almost 4 weeks ago. It feels like just yesterday and/or a year ago...depending on the day. His kidney disease really accelerated and eventually affected him neurologically. After 2 significant neurological events in three days, the vet made it clear that we had to make a decision for JP's care. Gabe and I cried so hard but knew that we would never want JP to be uncomfortable or disoriented, as he had become. So on April 4, early in the morning, he was euthanized. It has been a very difficult adjustment for us all to make, but we are getting through it.
The aftermath of JP's passing was difficult for everyone...for similar and different reasons. Isaiah really struggled with the fact that we adults were struggling. He was uncomfortable with our being so emotional...and it not being related to him. So he created ways for it to be related to him, making April a very challenging month, overall. We are finally all coming back around and feeling somewhat like ourselves, which is good...because we have an adoption to get ready for!
The date is set: May 31, 2011 @ 11:30am in Norwich CT. That is the day Isaiah will become Isaiah Carr! He has an outfit all ready and he has been practicing his new name. He has decided who he wants to invite to the ceremony and is getting pretty excited...as are we! We had our final in-home visit with DCF yesterday and that was a good feeling. Gradually we are starting to realize we won't have anyone to micromanage our lives...and make "helpful" suggestions about how we handle things. We will be free to screw it all up on our own!!! YEHAW! I feel as a parent I should be granted the right to screw up without it being documented, thank you very much!
Isaiah is finishing up his preschool year and growing leaps and bounds, academically and socially. The preschool program he was involved in this year was tremendous in so many ways and he is a school lover right now because of it. He is so invested in moving on to Kindergarten...so much so that he has been practicing flash cards to help in a couple of areas he is lagging...lower case letters and double digit numbers. He WANTS to be ready!!!
So, we are looking forward....to May. To recovering from the loss of our pet, to warmer days and to an official welcome of our son. Finally, it feels normal to say that. I've always hesitated because, in fact, he was not my son. Soon, he will be.
Until then...
ps...i won't be removing JP's signature from the blog. not quite there yet!
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