The summer's over....but ONE MORE PARTY!

The end of August always seems to bring a variety of emotions for our family.  Start of school.  Isaiah's birthday.  And the day after his birthday.  See that's the day this whole life became real.  That's when he came, 5 years ago, and never left.  Even though he tried to leave...and we thought about him leaving, he never left.

Isaiah started third grade yesterday.  He was SO excited.  He returned to Waterford Country School, which has been a saving grace for this family.  This school gets him and pushes him in ways that help him grow and change.  So yesterday he returned to his same teacher and kids that he knows.  He was so excited and he had a great day.  His teacher emailed me at the end of the day:

He was proud of how he looked when he walked out the door.  He felt fly!!!  I am not even kidding.  He opened the closet door and said out loud "What sneakers should I wear today?"  Fashion matters.

He had a great summer.  Once again his school district came though and provided him with an amazing opportunity for a summer plan and he thrived within it.  I honestly do not know where we would be without the Director of Special Education in this town.   She has stood beside us since day one and supported our family and it was only recently that I learned why.  Isaiah and I delivered lunch and cookies to her office at the start of summer because, well...they freaking deserve it.  She sent me a thank you email and explained that not only does she want Isaiah to succeed, but she wants this adoption to stay solid and stable.  She wants to support us, as parents.  Somewhere in her life she experienced something that makes me forever grateful for her.  She truly gets what we are going through.

So today is the day.  He turns 8!  He has been talking about it..well...for-freaking-ever.  He is asking for a new bike.  Check.  He has been asking for a new bike for MONTHS.  He will appreciate it.  He is also asking for patriots gear.  (gag)  I am sure some other patriot loving people will get him some.  We have about 35 people rolling up here Saturday for a family picnic and his party.  We love a good party in this house.  The theme is sports.  Mommy WILL have a whistle.  And use it.  And we will hope and wish and pray for a continued stable year for the dude. 8 is Great!

Until then...

you can read about our first meeting with Isaiah here:
http://adoptionmatch.blogspot.com/2009/08/mini-gabe.html

Snowy Update

It freaking SNOWED here today!  I heard mutterings of such an occurrence but didn't pay any attention to it.  HA!  Woke up to snow.  Not a lot, mind you but when that happens, BAM Christmas music is played all day.  Truth.

The snow is a little bittersweet, really.  It means the holidays really are coming and Isaiah still isn't home yet.  BUT, I think we are getting close.  Turns out the medication change that happened last week was not effective.  Seriously, Gabe and I should treat ourselves to something each time a doc wants to try a med increase when we can tell from the get go, it's not helping.  We know these things.
But, the doc tried something else and that may be helping.  I, again, go back to the opinion that meds don't make a huge difference and Isaiah has to want to be safe and home...and functioning.  I don't know if I should dare say he wants that a little more right now.

He has started to go to school for more time, has been staying relatively safer and the doctors have mentioned the 'D' word.  Discharge. Kinda wish they could think of a different word, actually.  We have a meeting tomorrow around noon to discuss his post-care plan and we have voluntary services in the works with DCF that will start at some point soon.  I could actually poke myself in the eyes with toothpicks thinking about having DCF back in our house.  Luckily the Social Worker at the hospital wrote a fantastic letter to DCF advising the kind of services that will NOT be helpful to our family.  Fingers crossed that DCF will listen! (that's actually a hilarious statement right there).

Some good things that have happened over the past week:
*Gabe went away to visit one of his coastie friends in GA for the weekend.  Had fun.  Isaiah missed him and was worried about mom being at home alone.
*Isaiah got a little stomach bug...no this is not good.  But he was wishing for mom to come take care of him.  His statement "They won't help me feel better here.  THEY WON'T HELP ME!!!"  This, of course is not true, but he seemed to think mom could help him.  Sweet.
*He is officially sick of the hospital food.  APPLAUSE!!!  Yesterday he started talking like a hippie threatening to not eat until he gets better food selection.  I am not even kidding.  He said "Well I am not eating here.  I am done eating this food."  My response: there's good food waiting for you at home.

Tomorrow at noon.  That's when the plan is set in motion.  Part of me thinks he is ready and part of me could actually vomit at the idea.  Really, this is our last shot.  I am certain that any subsequent hospitalization will result in placement in a residential treatment facility...so I pray he is really ready to be here and that the after care plan will be effective.

Until tomorrow...

Update

Today is November 3rd. This will be the longest day of the year. It always is, the day we turn the clock back. I've been up since 7 which is now 6. I'll do that all days too. "Well, it's _ o'clock but that means it's really _!"  Dives me nuts!!
I mentioned the date because I was just thinking that Isaiah has been in the hospital since October 15. That's a long, damn time. And yes, he's still there. Overall there has been progress. He has been less aggressive since last Monday, which is when a lot of things happened. And I hate when that happens. We have no IDEA what caused the slow change because we implemented more than one thing. So last Monday the following happened:

*His doctor increased the medication he's on. 
*We brought in Melatonin for them to give him at night and he finally slept like a baby!
*We changed our visiting plan

Although those may not all seem like things that could spark change, any of them could...alone. Never mind together. I hate when we do that!!!  I think I already mentioned that. Of course the doc is going to think it was the meds. I don't. I think it's a combo of the other 2 components. He's finally sleeping and therefore less agitated over all during the days. And I think he's finally starting to miss home because he isn't seeing one of us daily.  But the doc will think it's the meds, which I hate!!!!

Isaiah had a good Halloween. He decorated a special tee shirt and got to wear it. Had cookies and candy. Called home that night with a belly ache from eating too much. Pretty typical Halloween other than the trick or treating.  We went to visit him yesterday and I gave him a hair cut and nice hot shower. He hasn't been able to shower with his stitches but mommy snuck him in.  During that visit he must have felt close because we saw tears wen we left and we haven't see those in a while. And when he called last night his little voice quivered when he said "I don't want you to hang up. I like to hear your voice."  Ya. That's fun. 

We just keep telling him to do his jobs so he can come home and that we're also sad he's not here with us. You can actually see that he has to think about home vs. the hospital. I can see it. He's comfortable there.  He's still now quite sure about coming home. 

We meet with his team again this Monday to hear their thoughts and potential plan. 
Until then ...

It's been a while...

It has been a very long time since I have looked at or contributed to this blog.  When I woke up this morning, I felt the need to look back at it and add to it.  I realized we are at a point where things may really change for our family and it is probably time to start letting some people in on that information, since it may affect others.
Isaiah is 7 now!  He is in second grade and has a mouth full of "big boy" teeth.  He loves Legos, Star Wars and yes, Sofia the First.  Honestly, she is adorable, have you watched that show?!  He is a master at riding his bike, building things and can hear one fact at school and remember it (meaning repeat it) forever!  He loves to play soccer and watch Football on the weekends.   He is a cutie!

He is also incredibly angry.  Over the past few months he has struggled to maintain safety both at school and at home.  He can rage for long periods of time and become very combative.  And then want to be held like a toddler.  A nearly 70 pound toddler.  As he gets older the neglect he suffered becomes more evident and the pervasive loss he feels for his birth family is palpable.  There are times I actually try to figure out a way to have them in our lives, until I remember we tried that with his sister and she was not interested.  Then I grieve for his loss.

Because he carries such anger and defiance he has had to change schools.  For some reason, he is NOT a fan of second grade and the work can take a hike, in his opinion.  He has basically refused to do school work for the last month and a half.  The new school is supposed to be better equipped to handle his emotions, help him regulate and still challenge him academically.  In case you didn't know, he is ridiculously smart.  This child has so much potential that we fear will get minimized due to his behaviors.  But supposedly the new school will help.  When he gets there.

Isaiah has been hospitalized for the last week due to his unsafe behaviors towards others, including school staff and myself.  His team is trying to come up with a plan that will allow him to come home and be safe.  It is going to take a little while.  Or maybe a long while.  We don't really know.  So we visit regularly and have constant contact with his team.  He has a lot of his favorite things with him and is comfortable there. 

Yesterday he called me in the afternoon.  Around 2pm.  He calls a lot.  His little voice on the phone is so the opposite of some of his behaviors that is is almost heartbreaking to listen to.  We talked and he said "I was worried you weren't going to call me ever again".  He's lived here for 4 years.  We have been involved in every step of his life since then.  And he still worries.  Why?  Because a year ago he called his biological sister for her birthday.  He sang to her.  And she never called him back.  EVER!  Even though she said she would visit him every 2 months he never heard from her again.  And that instance is brought up regularly and carried over into other relationships he has today.  Even with people who are there daily.  The loss is pervasive.  The anger is warranted.

So we are in a bit of a holding pattern with the dude.  His team of docs has been realistic with us.  He will not come home until he is safe, both at home and at school.  Being a mom, I think , OK...it will take time but this will happen.  Being a therapist I know there is a chance he will not come home.  He has to get on board.  He has to join our fight.  Right now, he is not sure he wants to.  It is actually scary for him to be a part of a loving and secure family.

I will try to update this blog more often as we navigate the next steps of this journey.  It is actually easier for me to do it this way....I cry far less than having to tell people in person. (;

update!

WOOOHOO!  We heard this week that our insurance company approved treatment for our family at The Attachment Institute.  Now the Institute and Insurance Co. just need to agree on a rate and we'll be ready to start!  WOOOHOOO!!!

Reframing!

Hello friends and family~

Well we have had an INTERESTING week here in CT.  A large amount of the state remains without power after an unheard of Nor'easter that hit us Saturday night.  It was unreal.  In Colchester we received about 7 inches of snow...which is melting fast.  The larger issue for many is the lack of electricity.  Most of my family remains in the half dark, thanks only to generators.  And it's cold.  COLD!  We are incredibly thankful that we did not lose power and have been able to house my mom, dad and brother...separately.  Utility companies are estimating that most of the state should have power by Sunday...but I honestly don't see how that can happen.  We'll see!

Things at Casa Carr have been rough.  Isaiah has had a tough adjustment to Kindergarten and the combination of having to surrender power to teachers and have social situations with peers has really been difficult for him.  Add to that mix the fact that his therapist is really working on the trauma he endured with his birth mom and is no longer allowing him to believe that she was "THE BEST MOMMY".  He's struggling.  And so are we.  Gabe and I have been rather isolated in recent days and weeks feeling very overwhelmed and frustrated.  So, we finally made the move to push our Insurance company to cover treatment at the Attachment Institute in Worcester, MA.  After a tearful phone call to our Insurance company along with the Institute calling, we are very optimistic that they will approve coverage for treatment.  If so, we will go for 2 weeks straight every day.  As soon as possible.  It has put a little pep back in our step and renewed a glimmer of hope.  The fact that we have already tried other therapists has helped...and our current family therapist actually told us that she is at a crossroads with Isaiah and completely supports our moving to more intensive therapy for him and us.  Thank Goodness!

Finally, onto the subject line of this post...reframing.  Last night I went to a work shop on Vision Boards.  It wasn't great.  The lady was basically there to promote her services but it got me thinking.  I am constantly asking myself WHY we are in this situation.  What are we supposed to get out of this, learn from this?  It makes my brain HURT!  Then this morning something hit me as I was having a conversation with myself...which I often do.  I said, "wait a minute...what if this is not about what I gain from this experience...what if it is about all that I have gained from past experiences allowing me to do the best I can for this kid."  Maybe it's about actually looking back a bit to see that if we hadn't gone through everything we have, as individuals and as a couple, we wouldn't be able to help our son.  Maybe?  I'd say that's one hell of a reframe...but for today, I will hold onto it.

Fall Sunday night!

Ahhhh, do you feel that?  That chill in the air?  Actually it is down right cold, but we are loving it here in CT!  Days that start and end cool but warm up in between.  It was like that all weekend here.  And we loved it.  We had a tag sale all weekend where Grandma Barbie brought a bunch of stuff to sell.  She's moving soon and has to downsize her stuff.  We are *hopeful* that she will end up in town.  Yep, Colchester! We'll see!

Isaiah had a nice weekend.  Played outside and in.  Watched a couple movies and did some TWO wheel bike riding!  Sometimes when we stay home all weekend, it's rough.  Oddly, he doesn't really like to go places but he doesn't really like to stay home either.  Ha!  He completed his first Kindergarten homework assignment this weekend and WE experienced how school can be tricky for adoptive parents.

The assignment was about his name and it was called "The first present my parents gave me".  Whoops.  Not us parents, actually.  His name was outlined on a piece of paper and he had to decide how to decorate it.  He chose buttons and did a great job gluing the buttons onto his name.  I was impressed with his attention to detail and the outcome.  The rest of the assignment was to "talk to your child about why you chose their name and why it is special to you".  Whoops again!  So I emailed his birth mom and just asked her.  She loves that stuff and he loves when I connect with her.  At least we can give him the truth.  And that way if he is asked in class he can tell them.  That's another funny thing.

When I told him the stony and then said "so if Mrs. Tanner asks you where your name came from you can tell her why regular mommy named you that".  He curled up into me and shook his head, "no".  When I asked him why not he said he didn't want to tell anyone that.  I asked for clarification.  He didn't want to tell everyone that he has a regular mommy.  That's what he calls is birth mom.  Is it really possible that he already senses that there can be a negative stigma attached to the life he has to live?  It made me sad for him.  I just told him to do what he felt comfortable with but not to change the truth.  What's interesting is that his best friends are also adopted.  But somehow he still seems to have some shame connected to it.  Buddy.

Well, we are wrapping up the weekend, sadly.  Watching football while Bob snuggles on the couch with us.  Lots of Fall fragranced candles burning, wanting to just keep the weather and feeling like this.  Ahhhh.  Happy week all!

a familiar feeling....

There's a feeling I used to have.  When I could take a big, deep breath in and exhale with pure satisfaction.  When I felt truly fortunate for what we had.  I felt lucky.  Blessed.  It has been a long time since I have had that feeling.  People may think, 'that is terrible'; being that we have adopted a son and had this amazing experience but it has been hard.  This experience has tried us in ways we never imagined and, at times, nearly broken us down.  And it is only now, more than 2 years after Isaiah came to live with us, that I am starting to exhale with comfort again.  To again feel blessed and content.  THAT'S IT.  It is contentment that has been missing.  Yes!  But it is coming back.  I feel it!

People who don't go through this don't understand.  Well, they might with their own biological kids, I guess I don't know that.  But what I know is what we live.  Every day.  And it is amazing, amazingly difficult and amazingly celebratory.

I just had to share this tonight.  Sorry if it seems over indulgent.  But as Gabe and I sat down to watch some MNF and the house was all decked out in Fall decor, I finally did it.  Exhaled and felt fortunate for all that we have.  We have a long road ahead of us with this little boy, but I *think* we finally know we can make it.  Then again, we'll see what tomorrow brings...

revamped blog!

Hello again!
I have changed up the blog with the hopes that I will get back to writing on it and keeping people more up to speed.  I know, it has been a while.


Many things have happened in the few months since I've written:
We went on a family vacation to Cape Cod
Isaiah turned 5!
We endured a Hurricane...which delayed the start of Kindergarten by nearly a week.
Isaiah started Kindergarten!!!


That last item has been pretty huge here.  Of course, it is huge for every family I am sure.  Isaiah was eager to start Kindergarten after a great summer at a new program that he loved.  He really had a fabulous summer...even if he might not admit it!  When the start of school got delayed, things went a little nutty here.  Isaiah's anxiety really elevated and we all lost it for a few days. 
On Friday Sept 2 we all went to CES for the meet and greet.  We all got to meet Isaiah's teacher, Mrs. Tanner, and check out the classroom.  The PTO had an ice cream social, so how could we go wrong?  Isaiah loved that part, of course.  He seemed pretty excited to start the following Tuesday.
That day, a parent had to attend with their child and the session was only 45 minutes.  It was really very cute.  The kids got their lockers and learned some of the classroom rules.  The teacher read a story, The Kissing Hand.  And that's when mommy lost it a bit.  I sat there watching this little boy try his hardest but clearly anxious in his new setting.  He sat and listened to the story while I thought "the rest of you parents have no idea what this little guy has been through".  I know all kids have their struggles, but every once in a while when I stop and think about it, I get overwhelmed with sadness and fear for the Dude.  Most parents don't know his background and the ones that do find Isaiah to be extra awesome.  We just try to get through each day, one at a time.
As I write this Isaiah is asleep...been asleep since 6pm.  Because Kindergarten is HARD!  He loved his first week and is finally settling down a bit.  Let's hope we all do.
This weekend we are heading to a local fair and having a neighborhood block party.  Should be fun!!

That was a fun day!

Hello everyone!
Well, it finally arrived, ADOPTION DAY!  Yep, it was today.  The anticipation has been building for a while here...and sometimes anticipation is a good thing and some times it's a pain.  We experienced a little of both!  But we made it to this day...and what a day it was.  After days of heat and humidity we woke up to dry sunny weather this morning.  A beautiful breeze went through the house as we prepared for the adoption ceremony. 
Gabe's parents came in for the event, only in CT for about 20 hours to help us celebrate.  Add to them, my parents, cousins and our good friends and we rolled up to that court house with a CREW!  The judge, Chuck Norris, was great.  Yes, that is really his name.  He did a fabulous job with the ceremony and everyone posed for lots of pictures.  Isaiah was a little uncomfortable with the attention but did all right once he was in front of Chuck Norris.  Who wouldn't?  After the ceremony and pics, we headed back to Colchester and celebrated with lunch, cake and the kiddie pool.  The kids played for hours in the sun while the adults chatted, ate and relaxed.  We sang "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" because, I mean, what is an appropriate adoption song, really?
After the last of the guests left we stayed outside for a while and just hung out...with our new dog, Bob. (that's another story)  Right now, Isaiah is in bed, we are on the sofa with Bob and we just looked at one another and said, "now what"?  I feel I could sleep for a week.  Nearly 2 years ago this process started and even though our day to day life will not change, it feels different already.  I guess it's time to exhale now.  Will do!

We are so lucky to have amazing friends and family to have supported and continue to support us through this journey.  It's been harder than anything we ever thought possible, but apparently so is parenthood in general.  Thank you to everyone who has helped us with any and everything over the past 21 months.  We never could have made it through this without your love and support!

April showers bring May....adoptions!

Happy Spring!  At least I think it is Spring.  The weather has been so iffy, I dare not think it will be warm day to day.  Eventually it will happen...right?

As we close out the month of April, I cannot believe all that has happened.  It was a month full of emotional showers for sure.  On April 4th, JP, our most beloved Bichon died.  It is hard to believe it was almost 4 weeks ago.  It feels like just yesterday and/or a year ago...depending on the day.  His kidney disease really accelerated and eventually affected him neurologically.  After 2 significant neurological events in three days, the vet made it clear that we had to make a decision for JP's care.  Gabe and I cried so hard but knew that we would never want JP to be uncomfortable or disoriented, as he had become.  So on April 4, early in the morning, he was euthanized.  It has been a very difficult adjustment for us all to make, but we are getting through it.

The aftermath of JP's passing was difficult for everyone...for similar and different reasons.  Isaiah really struggled with the fact that we adults were struggling.  He was uncomfortable with our being so emotional...and it not being related to him.  So he created ways for it to be related to him, making April a very challenging month, overall.  We are finally all coming back around and feeling somewhat like ourselves, which is good...because we have an adoption to get ready for!

The date is set: May 31, 2011 @ 11:30am in Norwich CT.  That is the day Isaiah will become Isaiah Carr!  He has an outfit all ready and he has been practicing his new name.  He has decided who he wants to invite to the ceremony and is getting pretty excited...as are we!  We had our final in-home visit with DCF yesterday and that was a good feeling.  Gradually we are starting to realize we won't have anyone to micromanage our lives...and make "helpful" suggestions about how we handle things.  We will be free to screw it all up on our own!!!  YEHAW!  I feel as a parent I should be granted the right to screw up without it being documented, thank you very much!

Isaiah is finishing up his preschool year and growing leaps and bounds, academically and socially.  The preschool program he was involved in this year was tremendous in so many ways and he is a school lover right now because of it.  He is so invested in moving on to Kindergarten...so much so that he has been practicing flash cards to help in a couple of areas he is lagging...lower case letters and double digit numbers.  He WANTS to be ready!!!

So, we are looking forward....to May.  To recovering from the loss of our pet, to warmer days and to an official welcome of our son.  Finally, it feels normal to say that.  I've always hesitated because, in fact, he was not my son.  Soon, he will be.
Until then...


ps...i won't be removing JP's signature from the blog.  not quite there yet!

Songs that hit home....

Gabe and I went to a parenting workshop 2 weeks ago and the presenter shared two songs and their lyrics that represent what children like Isaiah, traumatized, neglected and removed from their birth parents feel and struggle with.  Needless to say, when she played them and showed the lyrics, I couldn't stop crying.  It's so easy to get caught up in day to day things and not remember all that this little boy has been through.  So I thought I'd share them because it was a helpful and emotional experience for us.

I am a Rock

Remember the Tinman
(this is by Tracy Chapman, who grew up in Foster Care)

Big changes!

Hello Basketball fans~
I hope you are all enjoying March Madness.  I only wonder what kind of name Jimmer is?!?!?!  It's all over the tournament and I find it interesting.  Gabe is rooting for BYU in the final four so he is always talking about Jimmer.  Jimmer this...Jimmer that...Go Jimmer.  Ok then.

Onto non basketball topics...and there are many!  I honestly don't even know where to begin.  Two weeks ago, we made a decision to remove Isaiah from his Day Care.  There was an incident and we were less than pleased with the Day Care owner's response.  We pulled him for a week to figure things out, changed our work schedules to be home for The Dude and somehow made it work.  At the end of the week we realized something.  Everyone was happier.  We were more tired due to the change but as a family, we were more at peace.  We got to thinking...could we do this for a while...like til the end of the school year and see how it goes?  And that's what we've decided to do.  Isaiah is so thrilled to be home with us each day.  We have a very part time sitter for a couple of hours Tuesday and Thursday whom he also loves...and she comes to our house. 
We've learned that it gives us many more opportunities to work through any issues with Isaiah's behaviors.  It provides so much more consistency and we are just less stressed, which was the most surprising.  This week has been a little harder for The Dude because he gets scared as he bonds more with us but being home we are able to work through those things with no interruption or outside influences!  Sweet.  It's been a very positive change!

We PLAN to meet @ DCF on Wednesday, this Wednesday to sign paperwork that will move us to the final stages of the adoption.  We hope there will be no changes in this plan but know other things are possible.  BUT best case scenario...we sign papers....and in 4-6 weeks the adoption s FINAL!  Yuuuup.  It's nuts.  We are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and revel in the fact that we can start making our own decisions for our family.  That has been such a stress relief, at least for me!  Isaiah is talking all about changing his name...and seems excited about it.  We will soon start working on him spelling his last name!  It will be easier once it's Carr!  Piece of cake.

We have an exciting weekend ahead of us with a cousins extravaganza planned for Saturday.  All the Frenette cousins and their kids are descending upon Casa Carr for food, drink and fun.  Should be about 8 or 9 adults and as many small fries.  Look out!  Gabe plans to make his Special Subs.  Mmmmm!

Wishing you all a fun weekend!

PS...when I ran spell check on this entry...it went nuts on Jimmer's name.  Right!

Follow Up

Greetings

It is Tuesday here already and the weeks just keep flying by.  We are pleased with that because it means that Spring gets here sooner.  Our HUGE piles of snow have melted and the ground is a massive puddle of mud...which 4 year olds love.

I wanted to update everyone on Isaiah's final visit with his birth mom.  It was on 2/25 and it was an emotional day.  He met with her and she did an amazing job telling him why she could not care for him and why she wanted him to live and be cared for by us.  He was nervous most of the time.  She made him a recordable book entitled "On the Night You Were Born".  Her voice is reading each page as you look at them.  It is very sweet and how she brought herself to do any of this is amazing to us!

At the end we all met together and cried and hugged.  With him in the middle.  It was a chance for him to see that we all are ok with each other and that he is very loved.  We took a picture of all of us together, which is not blown up and framed on his bedroom wall.  Hopefully it won't be too sad for him to have it there.

We continue to wait for DCF to finish paperwork to allow us to move into the final stage of this process.  Seriously, the day cannot come fast enough for us to  just be parents and a family without being micromanaged and intervened upon.

JP is doing very well, by the way.  For a while there he was losing weight and became pretty fragile.  But now we are pureeing his food (yup) and he is eating like a champ.  He is the sweetest pup in the world, really and a huge sense of pleasure and support to us in the tough times.

Interesting read!

On this rainy and chilly Sunday afternoon I have been doing some reading.  Came across an article by a woman we are going to see for training this week.  It could have been written by our family...particularly me.  Nearly all of it rang true...eerily true.

Click on this link:

http://www.beyondconsequences.com/articles1.html

It is the article entitled "Issues Facing Adoptive Mothers of Children with Special Needs".

It's a long read and really it's a study that was conducted with Adoptive Moms, but it is a birds eye view into our experiences!  In case you, too, are bored on this Sunday afternoon.

One week and one day!

Hello friends!

Well here we are in the middle of February and, personally, I can't wait until it's over.  We're sick of Winter here in CT and are so looking forward to the Spring.  And we really hope we are done with snow for the year.  HA!

We are also looking forward to the end of February for other reasons.  On Feb 25th (one week and one day) some big things are happening and some bigger things might be happening.  First that is the day that Isaiah will have his "goodbye" visit with his birth mom.  It has been a work in progress but we have gotten here, finally.  I put goodbye in quotes because we still are not completely sure we will not allow future visits with his birth mom in the future.  We are considering an annual visit around her birthday, which is in June.  But we need to see how things go first.  Isaiah doesn't know about this yet but we will be prepping him next week.  He has been doing a lot of work with his therapist about becoming adopted...he thought he already was and told her as much!  Lots of progress on the "family" front.

The other thing that may be happening, but is less likely if we stay realistic...is that DCF will be coming for their monthly visit on the 25th.  Well we know that part will happen.  Actually, no we don't...DCF friend cancels sometimes...but moving on.  IF things have moved ahead this months as we HOPE they have, she will be bringing final paperwork for us to sign for the adoption.  Signing those papers then moves this into the stage of getting a Probate court date for the finalization of the adoption.  Usually between signing these papers and total finalization is about 4-6 weeks.  So, if we sign on the 25th, we could be all said and done by the end of March.  BUT we are WELL aware that it may not be this way.  If so, we will sign papers in March and the adoption should be final by April.

Either way, things are really moving now.  Isaiah continues to make progress everywhere and is really starting to feel settled into life here and part of the family.  Of course, things will take some steps back after he sees his birth mom, but that is expected!

So...I can't wait for 2/25 to come.  This will probably be the longest 8 days!

Until then...

The Home Stretch????

Happy New Year!!!!  I know, it's been a while since we have updated you on things here, but you know the deal....there must not be much to update!  Sort of!

We got buried in 2 feet of snow here in CT yesterday.  Everything was shut down and everyone was home!  Including us!  Isaiah stayed in his jammies all day and had some friends over for a play date.  They had a grand old time.  Played hide and seek all over the house.  At one point Gabe was startled by the little buggers hiding in the basement!

At this point, we HOPE we are in the home stretch of the adoption process.  We have been told that DCF is working on finalizing the adoption and that hopefully it will be final in March.  But are we holding our breath...pssst no!  We seem to have been the family that encounters every stinking blip that can occur in this process.  Like, really, Isaiah's therapist and the DCF worker have actually said that to us.  Then they chuckle and I want to poke them in the eyes!  Yeah, soooo funny.  Love it!

As we move forward Isaiah is really connecting with his new therapist and Gabe and I are doing our own work on learning how to parent a child with, what we think is, significant attachment issues.  You would be amazed at the opinions out there among our service providers about Attachment and Isaiah.  It's unreal how not many people agree...on much.  Don't get me started.  We know what our gut tells us and we are doing our own thing to help our family being that we live with the behaviors every day.  And we are making progress tiny bits at a time.  We'll take it!

We have also brought Isaiah's birth mom into the process.  We feel that he needs to have his questions answered by her rather than us because...well he doesn't believe us when we tell him that he won't be visiting her any more.  He always says "well maybe next week".  It's heartbreaking really.  So she has stepped up to the plate, despite knowing that this will be painful and she will meet with us and Isaiah to talk about these questions he has.  We are all a little nervous about that.

Isaiah is doing well in school and continues to love his day care.  I would too if I had home made pancakes and lunches every day.  Seriously, when I drop him off I want to stay for breakfast!  He is also making friends in both places and asking for play dates here and there.  Over Christmas he met some new family in Ohio and loved his big cousins Jansen ad Cara.  He loves those older kids.

So that's where we are for now.  I will try to keep this more updated as we move through the final stages....and encounter any more blips.  Wishing you all a Happy New Year!!

The Wheels are turning

Happy Lazy Sunday.  It is so Fall in CT today.  Down right chili.  We have the pumpkin candles burning and are already thinking about when we will set a fire in the fireplace!  But we LOVE it.  It is Fair season all the way and although we missed a big, local fair this weekend, we plan to hit up more as Fall moves ahead.

We have been doing well here in recent weeks.  Everyone is settling into a nice routine.  Isaiah is learning more and more every day both at daycare and at School.  He has been processing his living situation a LOT lately.  Lots of questions about why he lives with us now and why he lived with his bio mom when he was a baby.  This past week he asked why he wasn't my baby and told Gabe and I that he missed us when he was a baby living with his mom...and that he didn't know our names then.  He's right.  We know his wheels are turning in his little head and we answer questions the best we can while staying age appropriate.  One thing that has helped is our ability to say that he will not be going back to live with his mom and that he will be staying here.

One of the social workers that we are working with has indicated that adoptive children have to navigate through 14 additional phases of life compared to biological children.  We are seeing that in real life right now.  All we can do is hope that we are helping him understand it all a little better.

We just finished his first homework assignment at the kitchen table.  As we got up after completing it I said, "well there will be years of that to come, my friend".  His response "What?  What you said?"  Riiiiight!

Shocker!

Quick update.  There was a court date on Monday.  We knew it but blocked it out with everything else going on.  DCF reminded us and our attorney was going to be at court for something else anyway.  So they all went and we did not.  DCF called at about 4pm to say that Isaiah's Mom went to court and voluntarily gave up her parental rights that day.  As much as we hoped for this, I cried.  I can't imagine what it must have been like for her being that we couldn't let him go after living with him for a year and not having given birth to him.  She also stated that she didn't think there should be any further visits because she would be so emotional that it might negatively impact Isaiah.  Something we respect but that breaks our heart for him.  We hope she reconsiders because we would like them to have a final visit.
We heard from DCF that Mom was devastated when she heard we were having Isaiah move to another family.  When she heard we reconsidered she cried tears of joy.  In my heart I believe she wanted to help make this easier on him and us as we move forward.  For that we are very thankful!
Big week here at Casa Carr.  We just want some calm now!  CALM I SAY!

Summer fun

Little pirate

Auntie Hannah and Isaiah

Serious talk!

THROW ME!

Jimmy "superfly" Snuka!

First day of Kindercamp

Beach

More Beach

WAVES!

Getting very comfortable in the pool

us!